Beauty Tips from Yesteryear – The Secrets Your Grandmothers Swore by

Bambi Dollinger-Tart with a small selection of her makeup

That they took to the grave with them.Bitches. Hello my glamorous gerbils.Have you tried all of the latest fashion trends? Have you contoured your contours, highlighted your hairlines, and rubbed coconut oil all over your body until your as smooth, slick and slimy as a hagfish? Have you scoured the internet? Pinned ideas, saved links … Read more

How to Hide the Fact that you are Actually a Sloth Masquerading as a Human

Hello my slovenly Salamanders,  do you wish you were as tidy, put together, and naturally beautiful as I am? Do you wish you could glide effortlessly into a room and have all eyes turn to you because of your grace and beauty (not because you have two mismatched socks, toilet paper sticking out of your … Read more

Ask the Pig: Should I Pierce My Child’s Ears?

Dear Mrs. Piggy, I have a 6 month old baby, and I don’t know what to do about their ears. I think that earrings on babies are totally adorable, and I really want to pierce her ears. My husband is totally against it.  He says its mutilating her, and what happens if she doesn’t want … Read more

An Idiots Guide To Contouring

Hello my cheeky chiuahahas! Are you a rookie when it comes to rouge?  A plebe with your primer? Do you always make a mess with a makeup brush?  Or worse, look like Khloe Kardashian before she paints, contours and transforms her face to look like an Instagram filter without an Instagram filter? Then this article … Read more


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