How to Use Your Child To Get Out of Anything You Don’t Want to Do

Having children is hard, but let’s be honest, so is socializing.

Sometimes you just want to stay at home, curled up under your snuggly polar bear sized doona sipping on a hot chocolate (preferably spiked) while watching an episode of your favorite show for the seventeenth time.

If you have kids, you have a built in out!  This article is about how you can finally use your little spawn monsters for something useful!

Hooray!  If you’re anything like me, you’ve been waiting for this day for a long long loonng time!

Of course if you have children, the chances of you actually getting enough peace to drink your hot Kahlua with a touch of milk (lets be honest here) and laying peacefully still under your sloth like blanket is about nil anyway (feel free to check out some of these tips to keep the monsters out of your hair for 5 mins)

Anyway, I have compiled a list of kid branded excuses to get out of anything, from a birthday party, to work, or a dreaded dinner party with the in-laws.

Use at your own discretion:

“I’m Sorry I can’t make it, my child is”:

  • sick
  • teething
  • sleeping
  • a raging maniac when let out in public

“I’m sorry I can’t make it, my child has”:

  • head lice
  • gastro
  • no tolerance for your obnoxious child’s behavior
  • lost their voice from screaming at me all day
  • worms

“I’m sorry, I can’t make it, my child needs to”:

  • finish their homework
  • finish their chores
  • eat the broccoli on their plate that I told them they needed to finish before getting up from the table (2 days ago)
  • wash the dog, it has fleas
  • get their tonsils removed

And that’s how its done!  Use this list in good health, and good Baileys xx

Mrs. Piggy


 

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