Ah, Mother’s Day. The one day of the year you can relax, unwind and only think of yourself.
Basically a day for all you mothers out there to pretend that you’re not mothers!
Here’s a handy list of the things that you should be taking a nice big break from on your day of pampering, peace and prosecco:
Cook – this is a no brainer. Seriously who needs to explain this one.
Clean up the kitchen after your children/partner/what looks like a gang of chimpanzees high on a combination of bath salts and red lollies have “cooked” for you.
Clean the house – get the kids to do it. If they’re too young, at least make them spend the entirety of the day outside eating celery sticks and other non – messy foods, so the house won’t get any filthier than it no doubt already is.
Break up kids fights. Today is your day. Let them fight to the death!
Toilet training any toddlers. Oh hell no! Get your husband to deal with that shit -literally! Or if that’s not an option just put a nappy on the kid. In fact, just diaper up all your kids (and possibly husband) no disgusting “I accidentally weed on the wall while aiming for the bowl” boy nonsense on your day!
Did I miss anything?
Tag your man, woman or child, just so they know what’s expected of them on this blessed of all days.
Now go sleep, drink, laze around like
your husband usually does you deserve!
- Mrs Piggy