Moisturising Body Bars: Homemade Gifts Your Kids Can Make (That People will actually like and use!)

Everyone knows that homemade gifts are best. Making a gift (or forcing your child to do it) shows the recipient that you care, that you love them, and that you took the time to create something especially for them.

It also looks fantastic when you put photos of it up on Instagram/facebook.

But lets be serious here. If you get a 5 year old to make a gift, it’s not really something that anyone wants to display in their house (though if you must display kids art, here are some tips)

Why not get your children to make a gift that will actually be used and appreciated, and best of all, once it’s used it disappears, and will no longer be cluttering up your poor brother in laws house!

That’s where these amazing moisturising body bars come in!

What’s a body bar you might ask. Think of it as a hard moisturizing stick. Like a lip balm for your whole entire body!  And you probably have all the ingredients that you need already in your house! *

**if you’re a bee keeper or some type of weirdo that collects beeswax, otherwise go to a fancy candle making store, or grab some off ebay**

Moisturising Body bars really are quite simple.  All you need is 2 ingredients, then any scents/add ons you wish to include.

Cocount oil and beeswax in equal amounts.  That is all.

We also added some random essential oils I found in the back of my cupboard, and some fresh herbs from the garden (the kids insisted on basil in one batch, so good luck to whichever poor relative/school teacher that is going to go around smelling like some mutant chocolate crackle/basil combination for the next few weeks..)

I paired our body bars with some Firework gift cards that I (I mean my children) also made, click here to get the instructions

So here we go:

Melt the beeswax (PSA, when I first tried this, someone told me that you can melt beeswax with a hairdryer.  I thought this would be the safest, most hands on way for my kids to do it, so we gave it a go.  It probably would work if you had block of beeswax. 

I had small beads of wax.  The hairdryer blew them all. Over. My. House. The kids thought it was hilarious, I drank a big glass of wine..)

Put your damn wax in the microwave.

Depending on the size of the batch you’re making, go for about 30 second bursts.  Once its nearly all melted, put your coconut oil in too and give it another zap.  Your moisturising body bars are nearly done!

Add your little smelly bits (fresh herbs, dried herbs, essential oils, whatevs..) then pour into a mold.  Small silicone ones are best, but I’ve also used cookie cutters on a flat tray.

Just imagine that the hearts are up the right way, I can’t be bothered turning the picture around just for you..

Chuck it in the fridge to set (you should probs grab yourself a wine while the fridge is open, us mum’s are known for our multitasking skills after all)

Chill with your wine(s) for 20 mins then pop them out of the moulds.

Valentines/Christmas/birthday/I’m a pretentious mum that does craft presents hand made by the kids done!

pop!

Body Bars that feel so good to rub all over your dry, cracked body! Totally easy, and not in the least messy at all, I swear *

*Mrs. Piggy takes no responsibility for any of you fools that actually attempt this project with children.  Kids are monsters, and should not be given anything.  Ever, at all..*

We chucked them in some left over cups from the kids birthday party, and made some firework card information notes

waste not, want not. I’m environmental, not cheap…

** Also, as much as all the ingredients are food safe and non-toxic (I hope). I do not recommend giving these lovely, heart shaped coconutty smelling little morsels to your forgetful grandmother in the nursing home for Christmas.. trust me on this, you just don’t want to do it..

Love Mrs. Piggy


Want to see the firework cards that Mrs. Piggy used to label these bad boys?  Click here

See her other amazing kid related ideas

Or go for something completely different (it’s more fun than what you should be doing) and take our quiz and see if your kids think you’re old

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Sugar Free and Deliciously Easy Tomato Sauce/Ketchup Recipe

If you have kids in your house, you will understand when I say that tomato sauce is a food group all in itself.

If my youngest would have her way, she would just throw back ketchup, straight from the bottle for breakfast lunch and dinner!

But my freakishly loud, ridiculously adorable little monster is not going to do that.  If I wanted her hopped up on sugar all day, I’d just feed her all of my left over green skittles.

I can’t eat that much sugar in one sitting without either gaining 700kgs, having a sugar crash the size of a jumbo jet, or just straight up going into a diabetic coma.

So damn it, if I can’t do it, neither can the 3 year old!

That’s where this super easy, absolutely healthy and no (added) sugar tomato sauce recipe comes in!

2 ingredients, 3 steps and you’re ready to slather this sauce all over your kids favourite fish fingers and chips

(which thanks to this magic recipe, you now don’t have to feel guilty about giving your kids – woot woot!)

Ingredients:
pumpkin
tomato paste
seiously, that’s it!

step 1: steam pumpkin (I even did it with the skin on for added nutrients)
step 2: blend pumpkin and tomato paste until smooth – check taste, colour and consistency – remember it’s supposed to be tomato sauce here! add a bit of water if necessary.
step 3: make sure your little sugar addict is far far away from you, so they do not witness this deceit, and fill up an empty tomato sauce container.

If you’ve ever tried to fill up a bottle with a gloopy, sloppy ketchuppy mixture, you will know this is easier said than done!  For a simple hack to do this, click here!

You could wash off the label if you wanted to, but I’m going for the authentic, trick the toddler look here. Nothing in our house looks nice, and I do not want her getting suspicious!

There, you’re done! this should last in the fridge for around a week, but seriously, would a bottle of tomato sauce last that long in your fridge if you didn’t limit the kids access to it?

If you have a true sugar addict, maybe try weaning them off their sauce of choice.

Trust me, it sucks to go cold turkey off your drug of choice!  Try mixing half the real stuff and half your sneaky nutritious blend, then as the get used to it, up the healthy shit.

Good luck!

Love Mrs. Piggy.

Do you have a burning question that you would love Mrs. Piggy’s help with? Email her at info@pimpmypigsty.com, and let her solve all of your problems!

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Simple Hack to fill up sauce bottles

Geeze, you guys really need your hands held to do just about everything don’t you?!

Well, it didn’t actually occur to me that you’d all be so useless that you couldn’t figure out how to fill a bottle, so I didn’t take any pictures, but here goes:

Spoon your goop into a ziplock bag, seal, cut the corner off, then squeeze.

Done, you fools!

Squeeze your moronic little hearts out!

Love Mrs. Piggy.

Do you have a burning question that you would love Mrs. Piggy’s help with? Email her at info@pimpmypigsty.com, and let her solve all of your problems!

Want to head back to Mrs. Piggy’s amazing sugar free and delicious ketchup recipe? Click here

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Dairy Free Gluten free chocolate egg recipe

Dairy Free Gluten Free and Surprisingly Not Joy Free Chocolate Egg Recipe

Easter, the time to eat all of the Chocolate, drink all of the booze, and fight with all of the family.

Oh, and there’s a big bunny, and something vaguely religious too I think..

Anyway, if you’re on a health kick and want to reduce your sugar and processed nonsense intake, have an allergy to dairy or gluten, or just have an intolerance to delicious joyful food then this is the recipe for you!

Plus as an added bonus, it’s cheap, easy, and looks fricken adorable!

Check it out!

Now lets be honest here, these bad boys are still full of fat and sugar, but the fat is coconut oil, which everyone knows is magical (Note here for the mums: apparently a spoonful of it a day will kill threadworms and their evil, minuscule eggs, do NOT ask me how I know that little fact..!)

And the sugar, well I used maple syrup, and that comes from a tree (not an evil cane or beet) so it’s totally fine obviously..

Plus it’s Easter and although it’s a time for miracles, asking for a gluten free, dairy free, genuinely healthy option that also tastes good, just aint gonna happen…

Here’s the miraculous recipe in all it’s Easter glory

Ingredients:

2 cups puffed rice (make sure it’s gluten/dairy free if necessary – that evil stuff lurks everywhere!

1/2 cup shredded cocnut (yep, I noticed the typo, but have decided to leave it for your enjoyment)

1/4 cup cacao powder (cocoa will do too, it’s still not bad for you)

1/2 cup melted coconut oil 

maple syrup to taste 

Step 1 Combine puffed rice, coconut oil coconut and cacao powder in a bowl. Add maple to taste. Mix until combined.

Step 2 Fill empty plastic egg containers with chocolatey deliciousness then refrigerate. I sprayed the egg moulds with olive oil (another superfood snuck in there!) but lets be honest here, you’re filling this little delicious nugget pretty much entirely with fat.  I don’t think the oil is necessary.

Step 3 Take your chocolate snappy bubble morsels out of the moulds.  Or leave them in.  Or like me, leave half in, half out then pose artfully for a photo (protip: use blutac to hold them upright)

On second thought, maybe leave them in the mould. Unless you think this doesn’t look like a “I’ve just eaten 3 packets of sultanas” toddler poop..

Step 4 Move to Antartica, or eat your crackle eggs super fast, because coconut oil melts like a middle aged woman watching Jason Momoa emerged wet and glistening from a large body of water.

Enjoy!

See more of Mrs. Piggy’s recipes here like her famous bolognese recipe, or her meat cake miracle!

Do you have a burning question that you would love Mrs. Piggy’s help with? Email her at info@pimpmypigsty.com, and let her solve all of your problems!

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Recipe: Poultry Cuts Smothered in Herbs and Grain Flakes, Boiled in Olive Juice

Ah, food, one of the most fundamental and necessary necessities of life.
It nourishes and sustains us.

If done right it can tittalate our senses and tease our tastebuds.  If done wrong it can tighten our wastebands and taunt our reflections.

Thats where this delicious recipe comes in!

Who would like some Poultry Cuts smothered in Herbs and Grain Flakes, Boiled in Olive Juice?

Me!

And the kids!  This is definitely one of those elusive recipes that your kids will actually eat!

Are you ready for it?

Keep scrolling…

Here you go:

Photo by Aleks Dorohovich on Unsplash
Photo by Aleks Dorohovich on Unsplash

Mmmmm… KFC…

Plus think of all of the cooking and washing up time you’ll save!

These delicious poultry cuts even come with a side of Frizzled Pommes Frites too!

P.S. we are not affiliated with the Kernel in any way, his food is just delicious (though if he wants to give us some bribe advertising money, we’re up for it!)

Read more of Mrs. Piggy’s recipes here (some of them are actually proper and delicious recipes, we promise!)

Like Mrs. Piggy’s famous meat cake!  Click here, you won’t be disappointed!

See more of Mrs. Piggy’s genius advice here

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An Idiots Guide to Meal Prepping

Life is hard isn’t it?

Whether you work full time just to pay your rent, are a working parent, stay at home mum, or lazy, pot smoking cousin that still lives with their parents, finding the time to prepare healthy, delicious meals 3 times a day is damn hard work!

That’s where meal prepping comes in.  Do a giant cook-up, freeze your portions, then eat the same meal for 3 years straight.  Sounds good right?

If you’re new to the whole meal prepping lifestyle (make no mistake, it is a lifestyle choice) then this is the place for you!

Here it is my piggies, a meal prepping guide for idiots beginners:

trust me!

You’re welcome.

Love Mrs. Piggy

Read more of Mrs. Piggy’s tips, tricks and advice here


 

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Top 10 superfoods and how to Sneak them into Your Diet

By Bambi Dollinger-Tart.

Hello there my Chipper Chinchillas!  We all know that we’re eating the wrong things, and living our lives the absolute wrong and most unhealthy way.

But how, you may ask, can we change that without disrupting our chaotic busy lives?

I know that in an ideal world we would all be able to harvest fresh produce from our garden and grind it up to make our own homemade flour, then bread (with quinoa of course.  You must know, my impressionable iguanas, how terribly evil wheat is for you, after all!)

unfortunately… we just do not have time to age our own organic limburger

But unfortunately in this day and age, we just do not have time to age our own organic limburger, or to ferment our own kraut.

To help you out, my devoted dachshunds, I spoke to our resident health and spiritual guru Philip Guava Tapeworm, and together we compiled a list of the top 10 superfoods that you need to eat to stay in top form, and how to sneak them into your (and any unsuspecting, but unhealthy family members) diets.

ONE: Turmeric – this stuff is amazing!  It’s full of antioxidants and is great for inflammation.  We’ve all heard of turmeric lattes, but if you can’t get to a café inhabited by hipsters, you can DIY at home.  The effective compound in turmeric is curcumin, which sadly your foolish body does not absorb well on it’s own.  To get the most out of your baby poo yellow latte, nutritionists recommend ingesting it with a fat, as well as some piperine.  In laymens terms, my gormless gorillas, add a spoonful of butter and a spoonful of black pepper to your latte and youre good to go!

TWO: Garlic – well my ravenous ravens, the word garlic should not be seen without the word bread behind it.. Eat up, my glutted gorillas!

ignore that health star rating. This is a superfood, and you should be eating at least 2 sticks a day

THREE: Anything fermented – kombucha, sauerkraut, yoghurt.  Theyre all winners.  What no-one bothered to tell you though, is that salami is a fermented food too!  Enjoy my carnivorous caterpillars!

FOUR: Cacao – it sounds like cocoa, looks like cocoa.  Just eat some chocolate, my exhausted echidnas, you’ve come this far..

if you want to be healthy, you know what must be done..

SIX: Berries – full of antioxidants and nutrition!  easy to eat fresh, easy to blend in smoothies, and you can even get them coated in chocolate.  I mean cacao.  Two superfoods snuck into your diet in one! Bam!

SEVEN: Tomatoes – full of amazingness, but especially lycopene.  Lycopene helps prevent some cancers, helps white blood cells and is just brilliant! And guess what?  The processed stuff usually has higher levels of lycopene!  Dip your garlic bread in some tomato sauce, make yourself that fourth bloody mary!  It’s for your health, my tipsy tarantulasEIGHT: Parsley – apparently it’s really good for you (vitamin K, and A, calcium, magnesium, potassium) and it’s usually in garlic bread.. just saying..                                                   

NINE: Eggs – think aboput it, these magic little orbs have everything in them to create and sustain a life.  Get that goodness into you, my healthy humans. (Either end should work too)

TEN: Insects – so full of protein, and so sustainable for the planet!  you probably eat a few spiders and bugs while you’re sleeping, so you’ve already got this one covered. Go, you triumphant termite!

get that protien power punch into you!

oops! FIVE (I may need some of this miraculous superfood.  It probably helps with maths too): Coconut oil/cream/water/everything!  Just look at the internet!  I think this stuff must be magic – it probably cures cancer and ADD, probably even autism!  A spoonful of oil in every meal should keep you fit as a fiddle, my corpulent camels!

Well that should do it!  Eat my top ten list of superfoods and I bet you’ll live to 100, my aging antilopes!

 

Happy eating, Love Bambi!

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Recipe: Meat Cake

CAKE IS AWESOME!

Cake for dinner is even awesomer.  Unfortunately some people look down on you for serving it as a main meal (thanks a lot child services)

Anyway, I have now devised a way for everyone (including those fussy kids) to have their cake and eat It too!  Literally! (See what I did there?)

So how do you do it?

Bad quality, high fat mince is fan-fricken-tastic in this

It’s pretty easy really, it’s basically a chunk of mince with a whole bunch of stuff mixed in shoved in the oven.  Think cake shaped meatloaf, and you’ve basically got the idea.

I usually start with my mince and veg – whatever I have on hand.

Bad quality, high fat mince is fan-fricken-tastic in this!  It’s cheap, and your cake will stew in the delicious fattiness that is full flavor while it’s cooking, then drain away when you take it out of the cake mold (see MIL, I am feeding your precious grandkids healthy food)

For this recipe I used onion, cabbage, carrot, mushrooms and eggplant, but chuck in whatever vegetables you have – in the past I’ve used pretty much anything you can think of from the veg department – even those cheap frozen pre-cubed stuff, and as long as you chop it small, and keep the ratio about 1 veg to 4 meat, youre safe from those fussy little assholes children of yours discovering your healthy secrets.

I use a silicone cake mold, because that makes me a better person than you, but of course you can use whatever mold you would like

I usually add about half a tin of lentils too – just so I can pretend to be one of those “healthy” people, and bulk out the meal cheaply (less money on food = more money for wine!)

Add a tin of tomato paste, a couple of eggs, mixed herbs, and some breadcrumbs (if you want to be ridiculously pretentious healthy, you can pre-cook some quinoa in water, then use that instead of breadcrumbs, this add adds a delicious nuttiness to your cake – oh! and makes it gluten free!! you can serve it up to that friend.  Everyone has one of those friends..)

My absolute secret ingredients, that I love beyond life itself are (not wine this time – a recipe without wine means more for my glass!) Moroccan seasoning and grated parmesan cheese.  Seriously, go nuts with the stuff.  If you think there’s enough, put 3 times that much in again.

Ok, now you just cook it. If you want to know for how long, just google it.  What am I?  A real chef?  Plus I don’t know how much of a piggy big your cake mold is.

Also, if your kitchen doesn’t look like this by now, youre doing it wrong.

Now, mash some potatoes (more cheese in here too, that stuff is magic!)

My potato and pumpkin ready to be cooked and turned into icing

You can add pumpkin or sweet potato if you want orange icing.  Then ice.

Easy, done.

Tell your kids youre eating meat cake for dinner, and serve up a slice.

Bon apetit.

# side note, you can make these as cupcakes too – I once tricked my toddler into eating them, by telling him he was tricking his dad into eating them!

Ah to be young and stupid!

Just make sure you use those thick cardboard cupcake papers, as there will be delicious fatty juices simmering in there that you’ll need to tip out of each cupcake before serving.

  • Love Mrs. Piggy
  • If you loved this recipe, you’ll love Mrs. Piggy’s healthy, delicious bolognese.
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What to do with Left Over Easter Chocolate

Easter, its full of family, fun, and if you’re doing it right, chocolate and alcohol.

 

So much chocolate and alcohol.

After the Easter festivities are done and dusted for the year and you recover from your chocolate hangover (and the other one) it’s time to take stock.

Your poor fridge is over laden with leftover half wilted salads from the family BBQ, 2 stale hot cross buns (the fruit free kind, because let’s be honest, no-one wants to eat that nastiness) and chocolate eggs.

Just kidding – who has left over chocolate?  that’s like saying “What shall I do with my left over wine?”

 

If you’re doing it right, there will be no left overs, so ignore all those Easter egg baking fancy Pinterest pictures, and go to the shops.

If you’re lucky they still have some more Easter chocolate, this time marked down so you can buy even more.

Also, if you have left over wine, you’re dead to me.

Love Mrs. Piggy.

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