By Bambi Dollinger-Tart.
Hello there my Chipper Chinchillas! We all know that we’re eating the wrong things, and living our lives the absolute wrong and most unhealthy way.
But how, you may ask, can we change that without disrupting our chaotic busy lives?
I know that in an ideal world we would all be able to harvest fresh produce from our garden and grind it up to make our own homemade flour, then bread (with quinoa of course. You must know, my impressionable iguanas, how terribly evil wheat is for you, after all!)
unfortunately… we just do not have time to age our own organic limburger
But unfortunately in this day and age, we just do not have time to age our own organic limburger, or to ferment our own kraut.
To help you out, my devoted dachshunds, I spoke to our resident health and spiritual guru Philip Guava Tapeworm, and together we compiled a list of the top 10 superfoods that you need to eat to stay in top form, and how to sneak them into your (and any unsuspecting, but unhealthy family members) diets.
ONE: Turmeric – this stuff is amazing! It’s full of antioxidants and is great for inflammation. We’ve all heard of turmeric lattes, but if you can’t get to a café inhabited by hipsters, you can DIY at home. The effective compound in turmeric is curcumin, which sadly your foolish body does not absorb well on it’s own. To get the most out of your baby poo yellow latte, nutritionists recommend ingesting it with a fat, as well as some piperine. In laymens terms, my gormless gorillas, add a spoonful of butter and a spoonful of black pepper to your latte and youre good to go!
TWO: Garlic – well my ravenous ravens, the word garlic should not be seen without the word bread behind it.. Eat up, my glutted gorillas!
THREE: Anything fermented – kombucha, sauerkraut, yoghurt. Theyre all winners. What no-one bothered to tell you though, is that salami is a fermented food too! Enjoy my carnivorous caterpillars!
FOUR: Cacao – it sounds like cocoa, looks like cocoa. Just eat some chocolate, my exhausted echidnas, you’ve come this far..
SIX: Berries – full of antioxidants and nutrition! easy to eat fresh, easy to blend in smoothies, and you can even get them coated in chocolate. I mean cacao. Two superfoods snuck into your diet in one! Bam!
SEVEN: Tomatoes – full of amazingness, but especially lycopene. Lycopene helps prevent some cancers, helps white blood cells and is just brilliant! And guess what? The processed stuff usually has higher levels of lycopene! Dip your garlic bread in some tomato sauce, make yourself that fourth bloody mary! It’s for your health, my tipsy tarantulasEIGHT: Parsley – apparently it’s really good for you (vitamin K, and A, calcium, magnesium, potassium) and it’s usually in garlic bread.. just saying..
NINE: Eggs – think aboput it, these magic little orbs have everything in them to create and sustain a life. Get that goodness into you, my healthy humans. (Either end should work too)
TEN: Insects – so full of protein, and so sustainable for the planet! you probably eat a few spiders and bugs while you’re sleeping, so you’ve already got this one covered. Go, you triumphant termite!
oops! FIVE (I may need some of this miraculous superfood. It probably helps with maths too): Coconut oil/cream/water/everything! Just look at the internet! I think this stuff must be magic – it probably cures cancer and ADD, probably even autism! A spoonful of oil in every meal should keep you fit as a fiddle, my corpulent camels!
Well that should do it! Eat my top ten list of superfoods and I bet you’ll live to 100, my aging antilopes!
Happy eating, Love Bambi!