Moisturising Body Bars: Homemade Gifts Your Kids Can Make (That People will actually like and use!)

Everyone knows that homemade gifts are best. Making a gift (or forcing your child to do it) shows the recipient that you care, that you love them, and that you took the time to create something especially for them.

It also looks fantastic when you put photos of it up on Instagram/facebook.

But lets be serious here. If you get a 5 year old to make a gift, it’s not really something that anyone wants to display in their house (though if you must display kids art, here are some tips)

Why not get your children to make a gift that will actually be used and appreciated, and best of all, once it’s used it disappears, and will no longer be cluttering up your poor brother in laws house!

That’s where these amazing moisturising body bars come in!

What’s a body bar you might ask. Think of it as a hard moisturizing stick. Like a lip balm for your whole entire body!  And you probably have all the ingredients that you need already in your house! *

**if you’re a bee keeper or some type of weirdo that collects beeswax, otherwise go to a fancy candle making store, or grab some off ebay**

Moisturising Body bars really are quite simple.  All you need is 2 ingredients, then any scents/add ons you wish to include.

Cocount oil and beeswax in equal amounts.  That is all.

We also added some random essential oils I found in the back of my cupboard, and some fresh herbs from the garden (the kids insisted on basil in one batch, so good luck to whichever poor relative/school teacher that is going to go around smelling like some mutant chocolate crackle/basil combination for the next few weeks..)

I paired our body bars with some Firework gift cards that I (I mean my children) also made, click here to get the instructions

So here we go:

Melt the beeswax (PSA, when I first tried this, someone told me that you can melt beeswax with a hairdryer.  I thought this would be the safest, most hands on way for my kids to do it, so we gave it a go.  It probably would work if you had block of beeswax. 

I had small beads of wax.  The hairdryer blew them all. Over. My. House. The kids thought it was hilarious, I drank a big glass of wine..)

Put your damn wax in the microwave.

Depending on the size of the batch you’re making, go for about 30 second bursts.  Once its nearly all melted, put your coconut oil in too and give it another zap.  Your moisturising body bars are nearly done!

Add your little smelly bits (fresh herbs, dried herbs, essential oils, whatevs..) then pour into a mold.  Small silicone ones are best, but I’ve also used cookie cutters on a flat tray.

Just imagine that the hearts are up the right way, I can’t be bothered turning the picture around just for you..

Chuck it in the fridge to set (you should probs grab yourself a wine while the fridge is open, us mum’s are known for our multitasking skills after all)

Chill with your wine(s) for 20 mins then pop them out of the moulds.

Valentines/Christmas/birthday/I’m a pretentious mum that does craft presents hand made by the kids done!

pop!

Body Bars that feel so good to rub all over your dry, cracked body! Totally easy, and not in the least messy at all, I swear *

*Mrs. Piggy takes no responsibility for any of you fools that actually attempt this project with children.  Kids are monsters, and should not be given anything.  Ever, at all..*

We chucked them in some left over cups from the kids birthday party, and made some firework card information notes

waste not, want not. I’m environmental, not cheap…

** Also, as much as all the ingredients are food safe and non-toxic (I hope). I do not recommend giving these lovely, heart shaped coconutty smelling little morsels to your forgetful grandmother in the nursing home for Christmas.. trust me on this, you just don’t want to do it..

Love Mrs. Piggy


Want to see the firework cards that Mrs. Piggy used to label these bad boys?  Click here

See her other amazing kid related ideas

Or go for something completely different (it’s more fun than what you should be doing) and take our quiz and see if your kids think you’re old

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fluffy homemade snuggle from a jumpsuit

The Cutest, Creepiest Easy to Make Snuggle Your Kid Will Love!

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, one of the best things about those illogical, loud and really quite ridiculous things we call toddlers is putting them into a jumpsuit.

The second a toddler goes into a onesie, they seem to turn from demon child whose off switch and volume control buttons are jammed, to a fricken adorable demon child whose off switch and volume control buttons are broken.

Dad is cactus, but look how cute the onesie is!

The fluffier the onesie, then cuter the child becomes, and the better you get at dealing with the fact that they just coloured in the cats bum with a red Texta.

If your child is like mine (or if you are like me) they (you) will get sentimentally attached to those soft, loveable outfits.

But like it or not, your damn kids keep growing, and before you know it, their favourite outfit no longer fits over their chubby thighs (check out our sugar free tomato sauce recipe if you want to make your kids to fit in their clothes a bit longer 😉 )

So what do you do with that fluffy wad of adorableness when it no longer fits your child?

You turn it into the cutest, creepiest snuggle you have ever seen of course!

It’s as simple as turning the onesie inside out and stitching up the arm and leg holes!

you could easily use a sewing machine, but honestly you’d be finished before you set the machine up..

Make sure that you zip the zip up – but not quite to the top, as you’ll need to be able to undo it again, to turn the jumpsuit back the right way around after stitching up the neck hole. The neck hole can be a bit tricky to line up, so take your time and get it right.

Once you’ve finished sewing, unzip and turn it in the right way, before stuffing with bear stuffing, or hell, you can just use rags.

nawwww! a headless toddler! At least it can’t scream at you..

If you want to be able to open it and take out the stuffing to wash the suit (once your toddler tries to feed her new headless friend a chocolate smoothie) you’re finished, otherwise just put a few extra stitches in at the top of the zip (so the your toddler cannot open their new snuggle and leave a trail of stuffing through the house)

Don’t look in the background.. I have no explanation

I personally left mine unsewn, as I have plans of sticking some sausages in there on Halloween, and freaking the 3 year old out by disembowling her buddy in front of her ;-). we take Halloween very seriously around these parts..

Do you have a burning question that you would love Mrs. Piggy’s help with? Email her at info@pimpmypigsty.com, and let her solve all of your problems!

For more amazing DIY and craft projects, check some of them out here

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Dairy Free Gluten free chocolate egg recipe

Dairy Free Gluten Free and Surprisingly Not Joy Free Chocolate Egg Recipe

Easter, the time to eat all of the Chocolate, drink all of the booze, and fight with all of the family.

Oh, and there’s a big bunny, and something vaguely religious too I think..

Anyway, if you’re on a health kick and want to reduce your sugar and processed nonsense intake, have an allergy to dairy or gluten, or just have an intolerance to delicious joyful food then this is the recipe for you!

Plus as an added bonus, it’s cheap, easy, and looks fricken adorable!

Check it out!

Now lets be honest here, these bad boys are still full of fat and sugar, but the fat is coconut oil, which everyone knows is magical (Note here for the mums: apparently a spoonful of it a day will kill threadworms and their evil, minuscule eggs, do NOT ask me how I know that little fact..!)

And the sugar, well I used maple syrup, and that comes from a tree (not an evil cane or beet) so it’s totally fine obviously..

Plus it’s Easter and although it’s a time for miracles, asking for a gluten free, dairy free, genuinely healthy option that also tastes good, just aint gonna happen…

Here’s the miraculous recipe in all it’s Easter glory

Ingredients:

2 cups puffed rice (make sure it’s gluten/dairy free if necessary – that evil stuff lurks everywhere!

1/2 cup shredded cocnut (yep, I noticed the typo, but have decided to leave it for your enjoyment)

1/4 cup cacao powder (cocoa will do too, it’s still not bad for you)

1/2 cup melted coconut oil 

maple syrup to taste 

Step 1 Combine puffed rice, coconut oil coconut and cacao powder in a bowl. Add maple to taste. Mix until combined.

Step 2 Fill empty plastic egg containers with chocolatey deliciousness then refrigerate. I sprayed the egg moulds with olive oil (another superfood snuck in there!) but lets be honest here, you’re filling this little delicious nugget pretty much entirely with fat.  I don’t think the oil is necessary.

Step 3 Take your chocolate snappy bubble morsels out of the moulds.  Or leave them in.  Or like me, leave half in, half out then pose artfully for a photo (protip: use blutac to hold them upright)

On second thought, maybe leave them in the mould. Unless you think this doesn’t look like a “I’ve just eaten 3 packets of sultanas” toddler poop..

Step 4 Move to Antartica, or eat your crackle eggs super fast, because coconut oil melts like a middle aged woman watching Jason Momoa emerged wet and glistening from a large body of water.

Enjoy!

See more of Mrs. Piggy’s recipes here like her famous bolognese recipe, or her meat cake miracle!

Do you have a burning question that you would love Mrs. Piggy’s help with? Email her at info@pimpmypigsty.com, and let her solve all of your problems!

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How to Store The One Hundred Gazillion Soft Toys Your Child Has But Never Plays With

It’s a fact of life, if you have children, your house will be completely and utterly overrun by squashy, fluffy, adorable looking, slobber catching, germ infested, matted with indescribable brown muck soft toys.

This monster is actually too big for this hack, but I thought I’d take this opportunity to tell the person that bought this for my kids that I HATE YOU!

What was originally the one adorable snuggle that you couldn’t resist buying before your darling babe slid out of your uterus is now a menagerie of toys, animals, made up animals, and weird shapes that are supposed to resemble catballs (I think.. that’s my best guess)

meow (I think)

There is no longer room for your child on their bed because a filthy unwashed (seriously, how much of a hassle is it to wash and dry these things?) hoarde of dustmite nests have moved in.

Even worse is when mice invade your home, gnaw through half of the toys and make nests with the stuffing under your child’s bed..

Nice soft toys you’ve got there.. Be a shame if someone were to chew half it’s head off and crawl inside of it…

What?  Yeah, that never happened to me either.. I was just saying that it would really suck if it did…

Lets be honest though, none of you are washing these dusty balls of fluff on a weekly basis – and if you are, in my (un)educated opinion I’m pretty sure you need a new hobby and a drink or two!

The best way to deal with this mess, is so simple, easy, and relatively cheap!

With this simple hack your children still have access to all of their loved toys, but even better, I can guarantee that within 1 week they will lose interest in pulling them out and creating chaos in your beautiful, tidy, pinterest worthy house!

Out of sight, out of mind!

It’s quite simple really, all you need is a beanbag case, and voila!  Instant beanbag without those horrible beads!

Get the kids loading it up, while you pour yourself a wine!

As an added bonus, this makes your beanbags easily washable!  Just take out animals and wash(wash the animals too if you still haven’t found yourself a good hobby)

The one thing that I hate the absolute most about beanbags is those clingy, lighter than air, defies the laws of physics white filler beans!  Now I ca be rid of those beans of the devil once and for all!

I think they like it (or like tackling each other until one of them screams like a banshee) who knows..

 

Want to read some more of Mrs.  Piggy’s genius ideas?  Click here

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How to Store Christmas Decorations

Well, that’s it, Christmas is over once again.

That means it’s that dreaded time.  The time to take down the tree.

farewell my pretty

The presents are all gone, the paper tossed away. The kids have even lost or broken half of their Christmas presents already, yet your old, faithful tree is still standing quietly in the corner waiting for you to tuck it away in that dark old cupboard for 11 more months (that actually sounds like bliss – add a bottle of white and a guarantee that the kids can’t find me, and the tree’s going to have a roomie this year!)

It’s quick, easy, and saves you so, so much time

Here’s where our Christmas bauble storage hack comes in!
It’s quick, easy, and saves you so, so much time (that you can then spend with a margharita or two, instead of fighting those tangled, evil lights from hell)

I’m sure you’ve heard of many different Christmas bauble hacks over the years, but none are quite like ours.

There’s the shoebox hack (but then where would I put my shoes?! A girls got to have priorities)

There’s the readymade, store bought, especially made for Christmas baubles box hack. But seriously wheres the fun in that?

Why buy, when you can make yourself (with $300 worth of craft supplies and multiple swear words)?

Of course, theres the just gladwrap your whole tree and put it away for next year trick (but if you did that, you’d miss out on the fights fun of decorating the tree with your family the next joyous holiday season)

I found this at www.awesomejelly.com, you should probably check them out so they don’t sue me or anything!

So here it is, my Piggies, my Christmas bauble storage hack in all its glory!

Step 1 to, step whatever.. find manky old cardboard box with questionable stains on lid, then add Christmas junk and you’re done.

Phew! I think you’ve earned yourself a drink!

You’re Welcome my Piggies!
Now go forth and remove any trace of the fat man from your house!

Love Mrs. Piggy

Think Mrs. Piggy is a bit of a genius?  You’re no the only one, she does too!  Check out some of her brilliant advice to people in need here

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Kid Craft: Firework Cards – Maximum Impact, Minimum Effort

Kids and craft go hand in hand, just like Gorillas and flinging poo.  They love it, it keeps them occupied, and everyone has a great time!  Well except for the poor sucker that has to clean it all up.

You guessed it, that zookeeper person is going to be you!  And this gorgeous, Pinterest worthy project requires glitter!

Mr Gorilla, fling the poo if you must, but PUT DOWN THE GLITTER!!

If you still haven’t run for the hills, let me tell you a bit more about what we’re doing.

They’re gorgeous, easy, cheap and you can pump them out in minutes, because let’s be honest, your kids will make 2, and you’ll be stuck making the other 18 of them!

As an added bonus, if you’ve left the Christmas card gig a bit too late, you can go ahead and call them New Years cards.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Bam!  instead of being a slacker who doesn’t get their cards out on time, you are now a trendsetter, celebrating the New Year with a bang!

Follow our easy AF guide to get those stupid things that you wish you’d never started made and out of your house in no time (I mean the firework cards, I think you’re stuck with the kids sorry)

Start with black cardstock, and lay them down on an old tablecloth – trust me, you want something on underneath these!

Get the kids to drizzle glue over them, then shake sparkly confetti and glitter on top.

Once the kids lose interest and start fighting over the fluff one of them just picked out of their belly button, you can go ahead and just draw huge lines of glue over the whole row, then sprinkle to your hearts content.  You’re pretending your kids did it anyway, so no need to be pretty or precise with your workmanship!

Think of yourself as a one man factory procession line, pumping these bad boys out! Also, ignore the kids, they’re probably just gluing the cat to the dog ATM..

We used these cards as little information notes for the body bars I made but pretended that my kids did as gifts.

Get crafty my Piggies and have fun!  And don’t forget to show us some photos of your finished product on Facebook or Pinterest!

Read more of Mrs.Piggy’s tips here!

Check out the Pimp My Pigsty Team, and see what we’re all about.

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Christmas Gift Guide For Children – hints for people who don’t have thier own little terrors

Christmas.  The time for joy, love peace and cheer.

Unless you have children, then it’s the time for bribery, threats, sugar highs, and presents.

Oh my God, the presents!

Being a mother of 4 (or is it 5, I can’t remember) I always get asked by my non zookeeper/childwrangling frineds and family what toys and presents are appropriate for the little monsters.

So I thought I’d write this super handy list.  This is a NO list, a list of things I DO NOT WANT IN MY HOUSE! And it is especially for you lucky bastards childless people out there who are as yet unaware of how insane children’s toys can actually be…

‘And then his grandparents gave him seven candy canes, three chocolates, and a whistle before sending him back home’

If you’ve got kids, show this article to your family.  Tag your friends, leave it open on the shared computer, hell print it out and wallpaper your ‘cool’ childless siblings room with it if you need to.

Trust me.

** Obviously you can take this list any way you like.. if you genuinely hate the parents of the kids your buying for, go right ahead and buy everything on the list! I guarantee you’ll have your mortal enemy sobbing silently in the corner before New Years Day.

  1. Battery operated ‘noisy’ toys.  You know the ones, they say 5 phrases on repeat, or play one song continuously as soon as someone even breathes in the same room as it.  The toys usually say something like “educational” on the packet, but I can guarantee you that the only thing my child will be learning if The evil thing is in my house is that their parents know a lot of swear words.
  2. One or two toys from a ‘collection.’  Why would you do that to us?  Now my lovely little princess won’t stop talking/nagging/whining about getting the other 768 LOLhatchsquishmuffins, or whatever the hell those tiny, useless bits of plastic are.  Plus the small ones hurt like a bitch if you step on them.

    I mean, what are theses things? Does anyone know?
  3. Speaking of stepping on them,  Beading kits.  My Tweeny Twiny Twat head will make exactly three bracelets.  One for her, one for her best friend, and one for me.  Then the rest of the beads will be joyously scattered from one end of the house to the other, finding tiny crevices to get stuck in for eternity, or just chillin in the middle of the floor, waiting for my bare delicate foot at 3 o clock in the morning…

    Just like glitter, once these beads are in your house, they are there to stay.. Forever..
  4. Messy ‘board games.’ Whatever happented to good old ‘trouble’?  It only had handful of pieces, even the dice was enclosed so that my creative kids couldn’t remove it and create Some sort of violent, destructive weapon from it.  No, nowadays kids have games like “Pieface” and “Doggy Doo”  Am I going to tell you about these games?  No. Because they seem fun and hilarious – and they are, as long as you’re not the one cleaning diarrhoeal dog poo off the curtains, and pie cream out of the toddler who hates having bath’s hair.  And ear.  And nose.

    Looks tidy, right? There will definitely not be pie like handprints on the black suede sofa..
  5. Experiences that you expect us to come along to.  If we wanted to take our zoo to another zoo, we would just take our zoo to another zoo.  What we want is for you to take the monkeys, feed them, wear them out, then bring them back, (preferably asleep) all by yourselves.  Also it wouldn’t hurt if you left a bottle of wine for us when you went..

    Aww.. how sweet! Except that the second after this photo was taken, I bet the child decided he actually wanted to eat that apple himself, so he scaled the fence and attempted to wrestle it out of the deers mouth

There you go. Also don’t buy them lollies, buy me lollies – or better yet lolly infused vodka.

Happy Christmas shopping my Piggies!

Love Mrs. Piggy.

Thinking about taking the plunge, and having kids of your own?  Check out Mrs. Piggy’s advice on the subject here.

Do you like not having kids, and enjoy weird things like having spare time to do useless Facebook quizzes instead of wiping snotty noses?  How about finding out if you have the soul of an old timer?  Or seeing how healthy you are.

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An Idiots Guide to Meal Prepping

Life is hard isn’t it?

Whether you work full time just to pay your rent, are a working parent, stay at home mum, or lazy, pot smoking cousin that still lives with their parents, finding the time to prepare healthy, delicious meals 3 times a day is damn hard work!

That’s where meal prepping comes in.  Do a giant cook-up, freeze your portions, then eat the same meal for 3 years straight.  Sounds good right?

If you’re new to the whole meal prepping lifestyle (make no mistake, it is a lifestyle choice) then this is the place for you!

Here it is my piggies, a meal prepping guide for idiots beginners:

trust me!

You’re welcome.

Love Mrs. Piggy

Read more of Mrs. Piggy’s tips, tricks and advice here


 

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Ask the Pig: Should I Pierce My Child’s Ears?

Dear Mrs. Piggy,

I have a 6 month old baby, and I don’t know what to do about their ears.

I think that earrings on babies are totally adorable, and I really want to pierce her ears.

My husband is totally against it.  He says its mutilating her, and what happens if she doesn’t want them later.  He says it will cause her pain for no reason.

But they will look SO ADORABLE!  I’ve already bought three pairs of earrings for her, and really really want to put them on!!

Should I pierce, or not?

Please Help,

Excited Mummy, Vancouver.


Read more advice from Mrs. Piggy Here 

Who is Mrs. Piggy, and why is she on my phone?

 


Dear Excited Mummy,

So you’ve gone on a shopping spree, and now want to justify your purchases by stabbing your child in the ears?  I say go for it!

Earrings on babies are adorable, and the sooner you get it done, the better.  If you wait too long, your baby will notice them and start tugging on those gorgeous earrings that you’ve lovingly bought her.  While earrings on bubs are pretty darn cute, giant earholes that you can fit a thumb through are not.

Eeeeewwwwwwww! Put that thing away!

If you want to dress your child up as a little doll, and change her outfit and earrings 4 times a day, you go right ahead and do it!  Why else would we mums go through the whole pregnancy/labour thing?  It’s for the customizable baby/toy we get at the end..

What I think you are really going to need help with is getting around your husband’s views…

If he was as sleep deprived as you no doubt are, I’d just suggest trying to convince him that the baby came out with holes, and you just put the earrings in to plug them up.. but chances are, he’s sleeping blissfully at night while your up with your doll/baby attached like a wet-vac you your boob. As you stare longingly at her earlobes.

Perhaps if you bribed him with sex.  But you have a 6 month old, so you’re probably covered in vomit and poop, and will fall asleep on top of him anyway..

What would most likely work with my Mr. Piggy is the old money gambit..  Show him the earrings that you’ve already bought, tell him how much they cost, then tell him you’ve lost the receipts and can’t return them.

If he’s anything like my clever husband, he’ll be insisting that you go out right now and get his darling angel’s ears painfully stabbed with a gun so that those expensive earrings won’t go to waste!

Give it a go, and good luck!

I hope this advice helps you make the right decision for your family.

Love Mrs. Piggy.

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Surprising Things You Can Put in the Dishwasher

Ah, the dishwasher, it’s a magical, mystical, amazing device.

Dirty plates go in, clean ones come out.  All while I sip on a margarita and pretend to listen to my children.

But did you know that you are probably under utilizing this amazing, time saving appliance?

There is so much that the humble dishwasher can do for you, giving you so much more free time.  Or at least giving you the smugness of knowing that you’re cleaning something that you would never ever usually clean.  You know, so that you can casually point out how sparkly your kids lego is the next time you have company over..

Anyway, chuck these things in and get yourself a drink:

  • small rubbish bins/wastebaskets – especially bathroom ones.  Who wants to scrub out earwax, old bandaid residue, and the sticky remnants of a man’s bad aim?  Seriously chuck that nastiness in your magical washing box (no, not that one, though it is self cleaning too so I’ve been told..)
    • Those spots aren’t water.. Let the dishwasher deal with the men in your lives bad aim..
  • fridge and oven shelves, microwave turntables.  Especially good if you have an extra large dishwasher, and tiny oven.  Otherwise you might just have to eat takout every night to keep your oven clean instead..
  • oh dishwasher, I love you almost as much as my liquor cabinet. Oh, and kids, and husband and stuff too I guess..
  • hairbrushes and accessories.  They get so nasty and gunky!   And that’s assuming your family is not currently infested with the devil himself’s evil miniature legion, also known as headlice (if you are in the midst of a war, we’ve got you covered with a simple, easy and chemical free way to deal with nits here)
  • [soliloquy id=”3736″]
  • kids toys – if they’re small like lego put them in a mesh bag, if they’re big like the baby doll that my toddler gave blackface to with a sharpie, just chuck it in the top shelf.
  • oops! I was wondering where that got to.. it’s dishwasher safe too though, so just chuck it all in!
  • sponges.  No they won’t melt into a gunky plastic mess… well, I don’t think so.  The internet told me it was cool… PSA here, I got lazy and haven’t tried most of the next few ‘tips’.  Google, I love you XX
  • shoes – yeah, why not… thanks again internet, because no-one has a washing machine..
  • potatoes – buy the dirty ones to save a few cents, then waste those few cents on water and electricity..
  • bath toys.  Those things get NASTY!! in fact, BRB, I’m going to chuck the kids toys in right now!  If only I could put my whole bathroom (preferably kids and all) into the dishwasher..
  • cook food in it, because there are so many people out there that own a dishwasher but are lacking an oven… umm.. go home internet, you’re drunk..
  • clean sex toys – good for a between use spruce, or fantastic if you just picked up a second-hand one from the local garage sale..
  • hubcaps, because I know a shiny hubcap is extremely high on my priority list..
  • and by far my favourite:  flavor infused vodka!  Ok internet, you have redeemed yourself.  You can go and make more cat vieos now..

There you have it!  Go get cleaning!  Or Drinking.  Or whatever.

I’m not your mum… and even if I was you probably wouldn’t listen to me anyway…

Love Mrs. Piggy

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