Moisturising Body Bars: Homemade Gifts Your Kids Can Make (That People will actually like and use!)

Everyone knows that homemade gifts are best. Making a gift (or forcing your child to do it) shows the recipient that you care, that you love them, and that you took the time to create something especially for them.

It also looks fantastic when you put photos of it up on Instagram/facebook.

But lets be serious here. If you get a 5 year old to make a gift, it’s not really something that anyone wants to display in their house (though if you must display kids art, here are some tips)

Why not get your children to make a gift that will actually be used and appreciated, and best of all, once it’s used it disappears, and will no longer be cluttering up your poor brother in laws house!

That’s where these amazing moisturising body bars come in!

What’s a body bar you might ask. Think of it as a hard moisturizing stick. Like a lip balm for your whole entire body!  And you probably have all the ingredients that you need already in your house! *

**if you’re a bee keeper or some type of weirdo that collects beeswax, otherwise go to a fancy candle making store, or grab some off ebay**

Moisturising Body bars really are quite simple.  All you need is 2 ingredients, then any scents/add ons you wish to include.

Cocount oil and beeswax in equal amounts.  That is all.

We also added some random essential oils I found in the back of my cupboard, and some fresh herbs from the garden (the kids insisted on basil in one batch, so good luck to whichever poor relative/school teacher that is going to go around smelling like some mutant chocolate crackle/basil combination for the next few weeks..)

I paired our body bars with some Firework gift cards that I (I mean my children) also made, click here to get the instructions

So here we go:

Melt the beeswax (PSA, when I first tried this, someone told me that you can melt beeswax with a hairdryer.  I thought this would be the safest, most hands on way for my kids to do it, so we gave it a go.  It probably would work if you had block of beeswax. 

I had small beads of wax.  The hairdryer blew them all. Over. My. House. The kids thought it was hilarious, I drank a big glass of wine..)

Put your damn wax in the microwave.

Depending on the size of the batch you’re making, go for about 30 second bursts.  Once its nearly all melted, put your coconut oil in too and give it another zap.  Your moisturising body bars are nearly done!

Add your little smelly bits (fresh herbs, dried herbs, essential oils, whatevs..) then pour into a mold.  Small silicone ones are best, but I’ve also used cookie cutters on a flat tray.

Just imagine that the hearts are up the right way, I can’t be bothered turning the picture around just for you..

Chuck it in the fridge to set (you should probs grab yourself a wine while the fridge is open, us mum’s are known for our multitasking skills after all)

Chill with your wine(s) for 20 mins then pop them out of the moulds.

Valentines/Christmas/birthday/I’m a pretentious mum that does craft presents hand made by the kids done!

pop!

Body Bars that feel so good to rub all over your dry, cracked body! Totally easy, and not in the least messy at all, I swear *

*Mrs. Piggy takes no responsibility for any of you fools that actually attempt this project with children.  Kids are monsters, and should not be given anything.  Ever, at all..*

We chucked them in some left over cups from the kids birthday party, and made some firework card information notes

waste not, want not. I’m environmental, not cheap…

** Also, as much as all the ingredients are food safe and non-toxic (I hope). I do not recommend giving these lovely, heart shaped coconutty smelling little morsels to your forgetful grandmother in the nursing home for Christmas.. trust me on this, you just don’t want to do it..

Love Mrs. Piggy


Want to see the firework cards that Mrs. Piggy used to label these bad boys?  Click here

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Mrs. Piggy Reviews: Backyard Chickens

I sit on my back patio with a fresh, steaming cup of coffee.

Well, I’m about to sit before I realise that they is a large black and white, dollop of chicken “fertiliser” steaming away my favourite seat.

Chickens are lovely, fluffy creatures, but their poop is not.

I get a cloth and wipe up the fragrant mess. As I’m putting the cloth in the laundry I notice white spots approximately stride length apart along the floor.

I’ve managed to walk through another “gift” from the chickens. I follow the trail all the way into the house, wiping it clear as I go.

She stares me down creeping closer and closer to the open door

I turn around to get back to my peaceful deck and delicious coffee, only to come face to face with Gertrude, our fluffiest chicken, and best layer.

She stares me down creeping closer and closer to the open door.

I usually take the food scraps down to our brood at 10am. It’s is now 10:10 and the ladies are obviously starved and about to die, because right behind Gertrude are our 3 other chickens ruffling their feathers. Letting me know that I am late and they are not impressed.

I get the bucket of food scraps and think longingly of my coffee as I head towards their enclosure (the one they supposedly can’t get out of) shaking the container as I go.

If chickens had ears, they would have pricked up as much as a German shepherd that just heard a slobbery tennis ball bounce off the sidewalk.

I hate food wastage, so love feeding all of our daily food scraps to our feathery brood, and they obviously love eating it – even the left over chicken carcass from last nights soup.

“Hurry up!”
Who said owning backyard chickens was a relaxing hobby?

I lead my brood back to their enclosure like I am some sort of magical pied piper of chickens. They would follow me right into the slaughterhouse if I shook their feed bucket along the way.

Once I throw all of the scraps down I watch in amusement as Gertrude races to the chicken carcass. She picks it up in her beak and scurries away, as if she was Gollum and she had just got her claws on the golden ring (and is not unwittingly becoming a cannibal for her owners simple amusement).

I head over to their nesting box and open the lid.

As usual, there are only 3 eggs in there. Someone is not pulling their weight, and I have my suspicions which lady it is..

I take the eggs, ensure that I close the gate on their enclosure, then put their delicious fresh eggs into the kitchen, before heading back to my now extremely cold coffee.

I contemplate microwaving it, but before I make up my mind I hear a squark and a squeal.

Houdini has nothing on our lovely lady “Cluck Norris”. She has once again managed to get out of her enclosure, and into the neighbours yard.

I hear the 3 year old next door giggling and chatting to our little Clucky as they chase each other around the yard.

I put my coffee down once again, and head over to the neighbours house with my lovely fresh eggs as an apology/peace offering.

Holding Cluck Norris/Houdini I inspect her wings. Yep, still clipped.

I do not know how she manages to get out of her enclosure and into the neighbours yard on a weekly basis, yet here we are again.

On my way back to the chicken enclosure (again) I spot something out of the corner of my eye.

I put Clucky down and reach into our large, ornamental pot plant. Brushing the fan shaped leaves aside, I discover a gigantic pile of eggs.

Unbenknownst to us, “Cluck Norris” has obviously been escaping her enclosure on a daily basis. Foregoing her wonderfully maintained, superbly cosy nesting box she has decided to lay all of her eggs in one of our pot plants.

I fill a basket with my new egg cache, and head back to my coffee, before remembering that I did not put Clucky back into her enclosure.

Jackpot! I found all of Cluck Norris’s eggs!

I grab the now empty food scrap box and walk towards our chicken jail. “Cluck Norris” spots the box and races into her enclosure as I open the gate for her.

I triumphantly show Clucky that the scrap box was empty, and actually feel pretty darn smug that I managed to outsmart a chicken!

I grab my ice cold coffee once again.

I take a sip, then tip the rest over the balcony.

I’m going to make an omelette instead.

Owning backyard chickens – almost as time consuming as having a toddler.

But at least you get fresh eggs.

✯✯✯

3 stars.

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fluffy homemade snuggle from a jumpsuit

The Cutest, Creepiest Easy to Make Snuggle Your Kid Will Love!

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it again, one of the best things about those illogical, loud and really quite ridiculous things we call toddlers is putting them into a jumpsuit.

The second a toddler goes into a onesie, they seem to turn from demon child whose off switch and volume control buttons are jammed, to a fricken adorable demon child whose off switch and volume control buttons are broken.

Dad is cactus, but look how cute the onesie is!

The fluffier the onesie, then cuter the child becomes, and the better you get at dealing with the fact that they just coloured in the cats bum with a red Texta.

If your child is like mine (or if you are like me) they (you) will get sentimentally attached to those soft, loveable outfits.

But like it or not, your damn kids keep growing, and before you know it, their favourite outfit no longer fits over their chubby thighs (check out our sugar free tomato sauce recipe if you want to make your kids to fit in their clothes a bit longer 😉 )

So what do you do with that fluffy wad of adorableness when it no longer fits your child?

You turn it into the cutest, creepiest snuggle you have ever seen of course!

It’s as simple as turning the onesie inside out and stitching up the arm and leg holes!

you could easily use a sewing machine, but honestly you’d be finished before you set the machine up..

Make sure that you zip the zip up – but not quite to the top, as you’ll need to be able to undo it again, to turn the jumpsuit back the right way around after stitching up the neck hole. The neck hole can be a bit tricky to line up, so take your time and get it right.

Once you’ve finished sewing, unzip and turn it in the right way, before stuffing with bear stuffing, or hell, you can just use rags.

nawwww! a headless toddler! At least it can’t scream at you..

If you want to be able to open it and take out the stuffing to wash the suit (once your toddler tries to feed her new headless friend a chocolate smoothie) you’re finished, otherwise just put a few extra stitches in at the top of the zip (so the your toddler cannot open their new snuggle and leave a trail of stuffing through the house)

Don’t look in the background.. I have no explanation

I personally left mine unsewn, as I have plans of sticking some sausages in there on Halloween, and freaking the 3 year old out by disembowling her buddy in front of her ;-). we take Halloween very seriously around these parts..

Do you have a burning question that you would love Mrs. Piggy’s help with? Email her at info@pimpmypigsty.com, and let her solve all of your problems!

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Sugar Free and Deliciously Easy Tomato Sauce/Ketchup Recipe

If you have kids in your house, you will understand when I say that tomato sauce is a food group all in itself.

If my youngest would have her way, she would just throw back ketchup, straight from the bottle for breakfast lunch and dinner!

But my freakishly loud, ridiculously adorable little monster is not going to do that.  If I wanted her hopped up on sugar all day, I’d just feed her all of my left over green skittles.

I can’t eat that much sugar in one sitting without either gaining 700kgs, having a sugar crash the size of a jumbo jet, or just straight up going into a diabetic coma.

So damn it, if I can’t do it, neither can the 3 year old!

That’s where this super easy, absolutely healthy and no (added) sugar tomato sauce recipe comes in!

2 ingredients, 3 steps and you’re ready to slather this sauce all over your kids favourite fish fingers and chips

(which thanks to this magic recipe, you now don’t have to feel guilty about giving your kids – woot woot!)

Ingredients:
pumpkin
tomato paste
seiously, that’s it!

step 1: steam pumpkin (I even did it with the skin on for added nutrients)
step 2: blend pumpkin and tomato paste until smooth – check taste, colour and consistency – remember it’s supposed to be tomato sauce here! add a bit of water if necessary.
step 3: make sure your little sugar addict is far far away from you, so they do not witness this deceit, and fill up an empty tomato sauce container.

If you’ve ever tried to fill up a bottle with a gloopy, sloppy ketchuppy mixture, you will know this is easier said than done!  For a simple hack to do this, click here!

You could wash off the label if you wanted to, but I’m going for the authentic, trick the toddler look here. Nothing in our house looks nice, and I do not want her getting suspicious!

There, you’re done! this should last in the fridge for around a week, but seriously, would a bottle of tomato sauce last that long in your fridge if you didn’t limit the kids access to it?

If you have a true sugar addict, maybe try weaning them off their sauce of choice.

Trust me, it sucks to go cold turkey off your drug of choice!  Try mixing half the real stuff and half your sneaky nutritious blend, then as the get used to it, up the healthy shit.

Good luck!

Love Mrs. Piggy.

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Simple Hack to fill up sauce bottles

Geeze, you guys really need your hands held to do just about everything don’t you?!

Well, it didn’t actually occur to me that you’d all be so useless that you couldn’t figure out how to fill a bottle, so I didn’t take any pictures, but here goes:

Spoon your goop into a ziplock bag, seal, cut the corner off, then squeeze.

Done, you fools!

Squeeze your moronic little hearts out!

Love Mrs. Piggy.

Do you have a burning question that you would love Mrs. Piggy’s help with? Email her at info@pimpmypigsty.com, and let her solve all of your problems!

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Ask The Pig: Husband’s Messy Wardrobe

Dear Mrs Piggy,

I need some help with my husbands wardrobe.
No matter what I do, he just messes it up!

His shoes are thrown in on the floor, he pulls out all his shirts and just stuffs them all back in. It’s a mess!

Should I get boxes or baskets for everything? What’s with that special folding technique that shows him all of his shirts so he doesn’t make a mess?

What would work best for a messy man that doesn’t seem to care?

Trying to Tidy,
Tin Can Bay


Dear Trying to Tidy,

The only box I recommend for this situation is a box of wine.

Let me run through a scenario with you: you go through a lot of effort to clean up after your husband as if he was an adorable yet foolish puppy that pooped in your shoe. He re-messes.

You get resentful and drink that box of wine I mentioned earlier, re-clean the cupboard, which he promptly re-messes the next time he really really needs “that black shirt with the thing from that shop you bought him 2 years ago”.

You then drink two more boxes of wine and quietly plot his murder.

And as far as I know they don’t let you have boxes of wine in jail.

It’s not your poor disheveled husbands fault that you got addicted to a show on Netflix and feel the need to kondo his life down to 3 shirts, two shorts and a pot plant.

I suggest that instead you go outside and relax with a drink – while you lecture your daughters on why it’s not a women’s job to clean up after a man continuously (and just for good measure, you should probably get your son to bring you another wine. You know, for feminists sake)

Let your poor husband be the uncouth, messy slob that he’s always been, even if it’s just behind the closed door of his wardrobe.

Love Mrs. Piggy

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Mrs. Piggy Reviews: Game of Thrones

Sex. Murder. War. Stab stab.

Stab.

Sex sex, dragons.

Sex with dragons?

Stab stab, die!

Repeat.

As a game, Game of Thrones is not particularly interactive or fun.

As a show, meh.

As a throne, well my couch is more comfortable.

I’d rather Brooklyn 99 any day.

Game of Thrones

✯✯

2 stars.

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Dairy Free Gluten free chocolate egg recipe

Dairy Free Gluten Free and Surprisingly Not Joy Free Chocolate Egg Recipe

Easter, the time to eat all of the Chocolate, drink all of the booze, and fight with all of the family.

Oh, and there’s a big bunny, and something vaguely religious too I think..

Anyway, if you’re on a health kick and want to reduce your sugar and processed nonsense intake, have an allergy to dairy or gluten, or just have an intolerance to delicious joyful food then this is the recipe for you!

Plus as an added bonus, it’s cheap, easy, and looks fricken adorable!

Check it out!

Now lets be honest here, these bad boys are still full of fat and sugar, but the fat is coconut oil, which everyone knows is magical (Note here for the mums: apparently a spoonful of it a day will kill threadworms and their evil, minuscule eggs, do NOT ask me how I know that little fact..!)

And the sugar, well I used maple syrup, and that comes from a tree (not an evil cane or beet) so it’s totally fine obviously..

Plus it’s Easter and although it’s a time for miracles, asking for a gluten free, dairy free, genuinely healthy option that also tastes good, just aint gonna happen…

Here’s the miraculous recipe in all it’s Easter glory

Ingredients:

2 cups puffed rice (make sure it’s gluten/dairy free if necessary – that evil stuff lurks everywhere!

1/2 cup shredded cocnut (yep, I noticed the typo, but have decided to leave it for your enjoyment)

1/4 cup cacao powder (cocoa will do too, it’s still not bad for you)

1/2 cup melted coconut oil 

maple syrup to taste 

Step 1 Combine puffed rice, coconut oil coconut and cacao powder in a bowl. Add maple to taste. Mix until combined.

Step 2 Fill empty plastic egg containers with chocolatey deliciousness then refrigerate. I sprayed the egg moulds with olive oil (another superfood snuck in there!) but lets be honest here, you’re filling this little delicious nugget pretty much entirely with fat.  I don’t think the oil is necessary.

Step 3 Take your chocolate snappy bubble morsels out of the moulds.  Or leave them in.  Or like me, leave half in, half out then pose artfully for a photo (protip: use blutac to hold them upright)

On second thought, maybe leave them in the mould. Unless you think this doesn’t look like a “I’ve just eaten 3 packets of sultanas” toddler poop..

Step 4 Move to Antartica, or eat your crackle eggs super fast, because coconut oil melts like a middle aged woman watching Jason Momoa emerged wet and glistening from a large body of water.

Enjoy!

See more of Mrs. Piggy’s recipes here like her famous bolognese recipe, or her meat cake miracle!

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What to do with your left over wine bottles

We’ve all been there. A big Weekend goes by, and suddenly you have a few extra empty wine bottles laying around..

Just a quiet weekend in by myself..

But what can you do with these large, (sadly) empty vessels that have already given you so much joy in their short, short lives?

You could always melt candles in them, but really, are you a cheap Italian knock off restaurant?

That’s amore

You could grow plants in them, but then you’d just have a jungle of a house and everybody would know how cheap of an alcoholic you actually are (cheers to the $4 bottle of red!)

My simple, easy, environmental solution will have you all cheering from the rooftops for it’s ingenuity!

No-one in the world of DIY crafters – in the world of spending $380 on craft supplies to make a substandard decor item that can be bought for $29.95 has ever thought of this!

this is what to do with your left over wine bottles

Just throw your damn empty bottles in the recycle bin!

As an added bonus that clears up more space in your house for more important things.

Like wine bottles that actually have wine in them!

Salut!

Love Mrs. Piggy.

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If you want to see how she deals with real life problems, check out Mrs. Piggy’s advice column. She answers serious issues such as How do I deal with a screaming 2 year old? Or Should I Pearce my Childs ears?

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Recipe: Poultry Cuts Smothered in Herbs and Grain Flakes, Boiled in Olive Juice

Ah, food, one of the most fundamental and necessary necessities of life.
It nourishes and sustains us.

If done right it can tittalate our senses and tease our tastebuds.  If done wrong it can tighten our wastebands and taunt our reflections.

Thats where this delicious recipe comes in!

Who would like some Poultry Cuts smothered in Herbs and Grain Flakes, Boiled in Olive Juice?

Me!

And the kids!  This is definitely one of those elusive recipes that your kids will actually eat!

Are you ready for it?

Keep scrolling…

Here you go:

Photo by Aleks Dorohovich on Unsplash
Photo by Aleks Dorohovich on Unsplash

Mmmmm… KFC…

Plus think of all of the cooking and washing up time you’ll save!

These delicious poultry cuts even come with a side of Frizzled Pommes Frites too!

P.S. we are not affiliated with the Kernel in any way, his food is just delicious (though if he wants to give us some bribe advertising money, we’re up for it!)

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