Sugar Free and Deliciously Easy Tomato Sauce/Ketchup Recipe

If you have kids in your house, you will understand when I say that tomato sauce is a food group all in itself.

If my youngest would have her way, she would just throw back ketchup, straight from the bottle for breakfast lunch and dinner!

But my freakishly loud, ridiculously adorable little monster is not going to do that.  If I wanted her hopped up on sugar all day, I’d just feed her all of my left over green skittles.

I can’t eat that much sugar in one sitting without either gaining 700kgs, having a sugar crash the size of a jumbo jet, or just straight up going into a diabetic coma.

So damn it, if I can’t do it, neither can the 3 year old!

That’s where this super easy, absolutely healthy and no (added) sugar tomato sauce recipe comes in!

2 ingredients, 3 steps and you’re ready to slather this sauce all over your kids favourite fish fingers and chips

(which thanks to this magic recipe, you now don’t have to feel guilty about giving your kids – woot woot!)

Ingredients:
pumpkin
tomato paste
seiously, that’s it!

step 1: steam pumpkin (I even did it with the skin on for added nutrients)
step 2: blend pumpkin and tomato paste until smooth – check taste, colour and consistency – remember it’s supposed to be tomato sauce here! add a bit of water if necessary.
step 3: make sure your little sugar addict is far far away from you, so they do not witness this deceit, and fill up an empty tomato sauce container.

If you’ve ever tried to fill up a bottle with a gloopy, sloppy ketchuppy mixture, you will know this is easier said than done!  For a simple hack to do this, click here!

You could wash off the label if you wanted to, but I’m going for the authentic, trick the toddler look here. Nothing in our house looks nice, and I do not want her getting suspicious!

There, you’re done! this should last in the fridge for around a week, but seriously, would a bottle of tomato sauce last that long in your fridge if you didn’t limit the kids access to it?

If you have a true sugar addict, maybe try weaning them off their sauce of choice.

Trust me, it sucks to go cold turkey off your drug of choice!  Try mixing half the real stuff and half your sneaky nutritious blend, then as the get used to it, up the healthy shit.

Good luck!

Love Mrs. Piggy.

Do you have a burning question that you would love Mrs. Piggy’s help with? Email her at info@pimpmypigsty.com, and let her solve all of your problems!

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Recipe: Poultry Cuts Smothered in Herbs and Grain Flakes, Boiled in Olive Juice

Ah, food, one of the most fundamental and necessary necessities of life.
It nourishes and sustains us.

If done right it can tittalate our senses and tease our tastebuds.  If done wrong it can tighten our wastebands and taunt our reflections.

Thats where this delicious recipe comes in!

Who would like some Poultry Cuts smothered in Herbs and Grain Flakes, Boiled in Olive Juice?

Me!

And the kids!  This is definitely one of those elusive recipes that your kids will actually eat!

Are you ready for it?

Keep scrolling…

Here you go:

Photo by Aleks Dorohovich on Unsplash
Photo by Aleks Dorohovich on Unsplash

Mmmmm… KFC…

Plus think of all of the cooking and washing up time you’ll save!

These delicious poultry cuts even come with a side of Frizzled Pommes Frites too!

P.S. we are not affiliated with the Kernel in any way, his food is just delicious (though if he wants to give us some bribe advertising money, we’re up for it!)

Read more of Mrs. Piggy’s recipes here (some of them are actually proper and delicious recipes, we promise!)

Like Mrs. Piggy’s famous meat cake!  Click here, you won’t be disappointed!

See more of Mrs. Piggy’s genius advice here

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An Idiots Guide to Meal Prepping

Life is hard isn’t it?

Whether you work full time just to pay your rent, are a working parent, stay at home mum, or lazy, pot smoking cousin that still lives with their parents, finding the time to prepare healthy, delicious meals 3 times a day is damn hard work!

That’s where meal prepping comes in.  Do a giant cook-up, freeze your portions, then eat the same meal for 3 years straight.  Sounds good right?

If you’re new to the whole meal prepping lifestyle (make no mistake, it is a lifestyle choice) then this is the place for you!

Here it is my piggies, a meal prepping guide for idiots beginners:

trust me!

You’re welcome.

Love Mrs. Piggy

Read more of Mrs. Piggy’s tips, tricks and advice here


 

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Recipe: Meat Cake

CAKE IS AWESOME!

Cake for dinner is even awesomer.  Unfortunately some people look down on you for serving it as a main meal (thanks a lot child services)

Anyway, I have now devised a way for everyone (including those fussy kids) to have their cake and eat It too!  Literally! (See what I did there?)

So how do you do it?

Bad quality, high fat mince is fan-fricken-tastic in this

It’s pretty easy really, it’s basically a chunk of mince with a whole bunch of stuff mixed in shoved in the oven.  Think cake shaped meatloaf, and you’ve basically got the idea.

I usually start with my mince and veg – whatever I have on hand.

Bad quality, high fat mince is fan-fricken-tastic in this!  It’s cheap, and your cake will stew in the delicious fattiness that is full flavor while it’s cooking, then drain away when you take it out of the cake mold (see MIL, I am feeding your precious grandkids healthy food)

For this recipe I used onion, cabbage, carrot, mushrooms and eggplant, but chuck in whatever vegetables you have – in the past I’ve used pretty much anything you can think of from the veg department – even those cheap frozen pre-cubed stuff, and as long as you chop it small, and keep the ratio about 1 veg to 4 meat, youre safe from those fussy little assholes children of yours discovering your healthy secrets.

I use a silicone cake mold, because that makes me a better person than you, but of course you can use whatever mold you would like

I usually add about half a tin of lentils too – just so I can pretend to be one of those “healthy” people, and bulk out the meal cheaply (less money on food = more money for wine!)

Add a tin of tomato paste, a couple of eggs, mixed herbs, and some breadcrumbs (if you want to be ridiculously pretentious healthy, you can pre-cook some quinoa in water, then use that instead of breadcrumbs, this add adds a delicious nuttiness to your cake – oh! and makes it gluten free!! you can serve it up to that friend.  Everyone has one of those friends..)

My absolute secret ingredients, that I love beyond life itself are (not wine this time – a recipe without wine means more for my glass!) Moroccan seasoning and grated parmesan cheese.  Seriously, go nuts with the stuff.  If you think there’s enough, put 3 times that much in again.

Ok, now you just cook it. If you want to know for how long, just google it.  What am I?  A real chef?  Plus I don’t know how much of a piggy big your cake mold is.

Also, if your kitchen doesn’t look like this by now, youre doing it wrong.

Now, mash some potatoes (more cheese in here too, that stuff is magic!)

My potato and pumpkin ready to be cooked and turned into icing

You can add pumpkin or sweet potato if you want orange icing.  Then ice.

Easy, done.

Tell your kids youre eating meat cake for dinner, and serve up a slice.

Bon apetit.

# side note, you can make these as cupcakes too – I once tricked my toddler into eating them, by telling him he was tricking his dad into eating them!

Ah to be young and stupid!

Just make sure you use those thick cardboard cupcake papers, as there will be delicious fatty juices simmering in there that you’ll need to tip out of each cupcake before serving.

  • Love Mrs. Piggy
  • If you loved this recipe, you’ll love Mrs. Piggy’s healthy, delicious bolognese.
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Sizzle Steak Burgers

Sizzle Steak Burgers

Miraculous 20 minute meal that is healthy, your kids will like – and its cheap!


I understand the frustration.  You’ve just gotten home from work, your 308 children have 1,948,474 questions/problems/homework sheets, you can’t get the cork out of the wine, and dinner: the huge, evil, monstrous task of cooking something that your children will eat, doesn’t cost the earth, is quick, easy, healthy, and most important worthy of a facebook photo is still ahead of you.

As I am the absolute epitome of motherhood and domesticity (I’ve only misplaced 3 of my children, and the police brought them back almost straight away) I can very easily put a delicious nutritious meal on the table, one that at least one of my little piggies will pick at.
That counts.

I call it “jet plane parenting” Where I would fly off and leave them if I were leagally allowed

If any of my children reject it I just pretend that I’m doing the whole tough love gig.

I call it “jet plane parenting” Where I would fly off and leave them if I were legally allowed…

Anyway, I digress.. The food I cook, if they don’t want it, they can go without – I’m pretty certain they all have food stashes under their beds that they can forage before starvation hits anyway.

Yesterday I found a small foil miso soup wrapper in the teenagers room…  come to think of it, he must have a kettle hidden somewhere to boil water for it too. His room is quite often very vaporous and exotic smelling.
I digress again… back to the modern miracle of cheap, easy, nutritious, tasty and instaworthy food.

Every kid loves a burger so we will jazz one up.  It will be healthy, delicious and nice on the eyes.

Yesterday my 8 year old told me she no longer eats red meat and my 16 year old told me that he’s decided to go paleo – something about the environment, or a girl maybe… after 6 shots of vodka my memory isn’t what it used to be.
I love my children, so of course my meal plan had to include some processed bread product, and red meat.
Honestly, if they want to eat the blue-green algae off the underside of a dead whale, I’m cool with that, but they’d better be earning the money to buy that shit and slaving away in their organic, natural, uncontaminated with delicious processed food kitchen to make it themselves.

Most supermarkets nowadays have a high fibre/low GI bread roll, and if you’re lucky they’ll cover them in seeds and grains – that’ll piss off the paleo kid, and will look super pretty on pinterest at the same time!  oh yeah, and it’s healthy.
I do of course also grow my own salad greens.  If you grow your food yourself, you know exactly what’s in it – nothing but organic in this household.  I do love my kids after all – don’t you love yours enough to do this too?
* well I’m pretty certain they’re organic, except for possibly the time that  I threw up in the garden – is partially digested rum organic?

 

Pure, organic, pesticide free, faintly rum infused nasturtiums from my garden

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