Recipe: Poultry Cuts Smothered in Herbs and Grain Flakes, Boiled in Olive Juice

Ah, food, one of the most fundamental and necessary necessities of life.
It nourishes and sustains us.

If done right it can tittalate our senses and tease our tastebuds.  If done wrong it can tighten our wastebands and taunt our reflections.

Thats where this delicious recipe comes in!

Who would like some Poultry Cuts smothered in Herbs and Grain Flakes, Boiled in Olive Juice?

Me!

And the kids!  This is definitely one of those elusive recipes that your kids will actually eat!

Are you ready for it?

Keep scrolling…

Here you go:

Photo by Aleks Dorohovich on Unsplash
Photo by Aleks Dorohovich on Unsplash

Mmmmm… KFC…

Plus think of all of the cooking and washing up time you’ll save!

These delicious poultry cuts even come with a side of Frizzled Pommes Frites too!

P.S. we are not affiliated with the Kernel in any way, his food is just delicious (though if he wants to give us some bribe advertising money, we’re up for it!)

Read more of Mrs. Piggy’s recipes here (some of them are actually proper and delicious recipes, we promise!)

Like Mrs. Piggy’s famous meat cake!  Click here, you won’t be disappointed!

See more of Mrs. Piggy’s genius advice here

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An Idiots Guide to Meal Prepping

Life is hard isn’t it?

Whether you work full time just to pay your rent, are a working parent, stay at home mum, or lazy, pot smoking cousin that still lives with their parents, finding the time to prepare healthy, delicious meals 3 times a day is damn hard work!

That’s where meal prepping comes in.  Do a giant cook-up, freeze your portions, then eat the same meal for 3 years straight.  Sounds good right?

If you’re new to the whole meal prepping lifestyle (make no mistake, it is a lifestyle choice) then this is the place for you!

Here it is my piggies, a meal prepping guide for idiots beginners:

trust me!

You’re welcome.

Love Mrs. Piggy

Read more of Mrs. Piggy’s tips, tricks and advice here


 

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Top 10 superfoods and how to Sneak them into Your Diet

By Bambi Dollinger-Tart.

Hello there my Chipper Chinchillas!  We all know that we’re eating the wrong things, and living our lives the absolute wrong and most unhealthy way.

But how, you may ask, can we change that without disrupting our chaotic busy lives?

I know that in an ideal world we would all be able to harvest fresh produce from our garden and grind it up to make our own homemade flour, then bread (with quinoa of course.  You must know, my impressionable iguanas, how terribly evil wheat is for you, after all!)

unfortunately… we just do not have time to age our own organic limburger

But unfortunately in this day and age, we just do not have time to age our own organic limburger, or to ferment our own kraut.

To help you out, my devoted dachshunds, I spoke to our resident health and spiritual guru Philip Guava Tapeworm, and together we compiled a list of the top 10 superfoods that you need to eat to stay in top form, and how to sneak them into your (and any unsuspecting, but unhealthy family members) diets.

ONE: Turmeric – this stuff is amazing!  It’s full of antioxidants and is great for inflammation.  We’ve all heard of turmeric lattes, but if you can’t get to a café inhabited by hipsters, you can DIY at home.  The effective compound in turmeric is curcumin, which sadly your foolish body does not absorb well on it’s own.  To get the most out of your baby poo yellow latte, nutritionists recommend ingesting it with a fat, as well as some piperine.  In laymens terms, my gormless gorillas, add a spoonful of butter and a spoonful of black pepper to your latte and youre good to go!

TWO: Garlic – well my ravenous ravens, the word garlic should not be seen without the word bread behind it.. Eat up, my glutted gorillas!

ignore that health star rating. This is a superfood, and you should be eating at least 2 sticks a day

THREE: Anything fermented – kombucha, sauerkraut, yoghurt.  Theyre all winners.  What no-one bothered to tell you though, is that salami is a fermented food too!  Enjoy my carnivorous caterpillars!

FOUR: Cacao – it sounds like cocoa, looks like cocoa.  Just eat some chocolate, my exhausted echidnas, you’ve come this far..

if you want to be healthy, you know what must be done..

SIX: Berries – full of antioxidants and nutrition!  easy to eat fresh, easy to blend in smoothies, and you can even get them coated in chocolate.  I mean cacao.  Two superfoods snuck into your diet in one! Bam!

SEVEN: Tomatoes – full of amazingness, but especially lycopene.  Lycopene helps prevent some cancers, helps white blood cells and is just brilliant! And guess what?  The processed stuff usually has higher levels of lycopene!  Dip your garlic bread in some tomato sauce, make yourself that fourth bloody mary!  It’s for your health, my tipsy tarantulasEIGHT: Parsley – apparently it’s really good for you (vitamin K, and A, calcium, magnesium, potassium) and it’s usually in garlic bread.. just saying..                                                   

NINE: Eggs – think aboput it, these magic little orbs have everything in them to create and sustain a life.  Get that goodness into you, my healthy humans. (Either end should work too)

TEN: Insects – so full of protein, and so sustainable for the planet!  you probably eat a few spiders and bugs while you’re sleeping, so you’ve already got this one covered. Go, you triumphant termite!

get that protien power punch into you!

oops! FIVE (I may need some of this miraculous superfood.  It probably helps with maths too): Coconut oil/cream/water/everything!  Just look at the internet!  I think this stuff must be magic – it probably cures cancer and ADD, probably even autism!  A spoonful of oil in every meal should keep you fit as a fiddle, my corpulent camels!

Well that should do it!  Eat my top ten list of superfoods and I bet you’ll live to 100, my aging antilopes!

 

Happy eating, Love Bambi!

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Recipe: Meat Cake

CAKE IS AWESOME!

Cake for dinner is even awesomer.  Unfortunately some people look down on you for serving it as a main meal (thanks a lot child services)

Anyway, I have now devised a way for everyone (including those fussy kids) to have their cake and eat It too!  Literally! (See what I did there?)

So how do you do it?

Bad quality, high fat mince is fan-fricken-tastic in this

It’s pretty easy really, it’s basically a chunk of mince with a whole bunch of stuff mixed in shoved in the oven.  Think cake shaped meatloaf, and you’ve basically got the idea.

I usually start with my mince and veg – whatever I have on hand.

Bad quality, high fat mince is fan-fricken-tastic in this!  It’s cheap, and your cake will stew in the delicious fattiness that is full flavor while it’s cooking, then drain away when you take it out of the cake mold (see MIL, I am feeding your precious grandkids healthy food)

For this recipe I used onion, cabbage, carrot, mushrooms and eggplant, but chuck in whatever vegetables you have – in the past I’ve used pretty much anything you can think of from the veg department – even those cheap frozen pre-cubed stuff, and as long as you chop it small, and keep the ratio about 1 veg to 4 meat, youre safe from those fussy little assholes children of yours discovering your healthy secrets.

I use a silicone cake mold, because that makes me a better person than you, but of course you can use whatever mold you would like

I usually add about half a tin of lentils too – just so I can pretend to be one of those “healthy” people, and bulk out the meal cheaply (less money on food = more money for wine!)

Add a tin of tomato paste, a couple of eggs, mixed herbs, and some breadcrumbs (if you want to be ridiculously pretentious healthy, you can pre-cook some quinoa in water, then use that instead of breadcrumbs, this add adds a delicious nuttiness to your cake – oh! and makes it gluten free!! you can serve it up to that friend.  Everyone has one of those friends..)

My absolute secret ingredients, that I love beyond life itself are (not wine this time – a recipe without wine means more for my glass!) Moroccan seasoning and grated parmesan cheese.  Seriously, go nuts with the stuff.  If you think there’s enough, put 3 times that much in again.

Ok, now you just cook it. If you want to know for how long, just google it.  What am I?  A real chef?  Plus I don’t know how much of a piggy big your cake mold is.

Also, if your kitchen doesn’t look like this by now, youre doing it wrong.

Now, mash some potatoes (more cheese in here too, that stuff is magic!)

My potato and pumpkin ready to be cooked and turned into icing

You can add pumpkin or sweet potato if you want orange icing.  Then ice.

Easy, done.

Tell your kids youre eating meat cake for dinner, and serve up a slice.

Bon apetit.

# side note, you can make these as cupcakes too – I once tricked my toddler into eating them, by telling him he was tricking his dad into eating them!

Ah to be young and stupid!

Just make sure you use those thick cardboard cupcake papers, as there will be delicious fatty juices simmering in there that you’ll need to tip out of each cupcake before serving.

  • Love Mrs. Piggy
  • If you loved this recipe, you’ll love Mrs. Piggy’s healthy, delicious bolognese.
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What to do with Left Over Easter Chocolate

Easter, its full of family, fun, and if you’re doing it right, chocolate and alcohol.

 

So much chocolate and alcohol.

After the Easter festivities are done and dusted for the year and you recover from your chocolate hangover (and the other one) it’s time to take stock.

Your poor fridge is over laden with leftover half wilted salads from the family BBQ, 2 stale hot cross buns (the fruit free kind, because let’s be honest, no-one wants to eat that nastiness) and chocolate eggs.

Just kidding – who has left over chocolate?  that’s like saying “What shall I do with my left over wine?”

 

If you’re doing it right, there will be no left overs, so ignore all those Easter egg baking fancy Pinterest pictures, and go to the shops.

If you’re lucky they still have some more Easter chocolate, this time marked down so you can buy even more.

Also, if you have left over wine, you’re dead to me.

Love Mrs. Piggy.

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Sizzle Steak Burgers

Sizzle Steak Burgers

Miraculous 20 minute meal that is healthy, your kids will like – and its cheap!


I understand the frustration.  You’ve just gotten home from work, your 308 children have 1,948,474 questions/problems/homework sheets, you can’t get the cork out of the wine, and dinner: the huge, evil, monstrous task of cooking something that your children will eat, doesn’t cost the earth, is quick, easy, healthy, and most important worthy of a facebook photo is still ahead of you.

As I am the absolute epitome of motherhood and domesticity (I’ve only misplaced 3 of my children, and the police brought them back almost straight away) I can very easily put a delicious nutritious meal on the table, one that at least one of my little piggies will pick at.
That counts.

I call it “jet plane parenting” Where I would fly off and leave them if I were leagally allowed

If any of my children reject it I just pretend that I’m doing the whole tough love gig.

I call it “jet plane parenting” Where I would fly off and leave them if I were legally allowed…

Anyway, I digress.. The food I cook, if they don’t want it, they can go without – I’m pretty certain they all have food stashes under their beds that they can forage before starvation hits anyway.

Yesterday I found a small foil miso soup wrapper in the teenagers room…  come to think of it, he must have a kettle hidden somewhere to boil water for it too. His room is quite often very vaporous and exotic smelling.
I digress again… back to the modern miracle of cheap, easy, nutritious, tasty and instaworthy food.

Every kid loves a burger so we will jazz one up.  It will be healthy, delicious and nice on the eyes.

Yesterday my 8 year old told me she no longer eats red meat and my 16 year old told me that he’s decided to go paleo – something about the environment, or a girl maybe… after 6 shots of vodka my memory isn’t what it used to be.
I love my children, so of course my meal plan had to include some processed bread product, and red meat.
Honestly, if they want to eat the blue-green algae off the underside of a dead whale, I’m cool with that, but they’d better be earning the money to buy that shit and slaving away in their organic, natural, uncontaminated with delicious processed food kitchen to make it themselves.

Most supermarkets nowadays have a high fibre/low GI bread roll, and if you’re lucky they’ll cover them in seeds and grains – that’ll piss off the paleo kid, and will look super pretty on pinterest at the same time!  oh yeah, and it’s healthy.
I do of course also grow my own salad greens.  If you grow your food yourself, you know exactly what’s in it – nothing but organic in this household.  I do love my kids after all – don’t you love yours enough to do this too?
* well I’m pretty certain they’re organic, except for possibly the time that  I threw up in the garden – is partially digested rum organic?

 

Pure, organic, pesticide free, faintly rum infused nasturtiums from my garden
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