Moisturising Body Bars: Homemade Gifts Your Kids Can Make (That People will actually like and use!)

Everyone knows that homemade gifts are best. Making a gift (or forcing your child to do it) shows the recipient that you care, that you love them, and that you took the time to create something especially for them.

It also looks fantastic when you put photos of it up on Instagram/facebook.

But lets be serious here. If you get a 5 year old to make a gift, it’s not really something that anyone wants to display in their house (though if you must display kids art, here are some tips)

Why not get your children to make a gift that will actually be used and appreciated, and best of all, once it’s used it disappears, and will no longer be cluttering up your poor brother in laws house!

That’s where these amazing moisturising body bars come in!

What’s a body bar you might ask. Think of it as a hard moisturizing stick. Like a lip balm for your whole entire body!  And you probably have all the ingredients that you need already in your house! *

**if you’re a bee keeper or some type of weirdo that collects beeswax, otherwise go to a fancy candle making store, or grab some off ebay**

Moisturising Body bars really are quite simple.  All you need is 2 ingredients, then any scents/add ons you wish to include.

Cocount oil and beeswax in equal amounts.  That is all.

We also added some random essential oils I found in the back of my cupboard, and some fresh herbs from the garden (the kids insisted on basil in one batch, so good luck to whichever poor relative/school teacher that is going to go around smelling like some mutant chocolate crackle/basil combination for the next few weeks..)

I paired our body bars with some Firework gift cards that I (I mean my children) also made, click here to get the instructions

So here we go:

Melt the beeswax (PSA, when I first tried this, someone told me that you can melt beeswax with a hairdryer.  I thought this would be the safest, most hands on way for my kids to do it, so we gave it a go.  It probably would work if you had block of beeswax. 

I had small beads of wax.  The hairdryer blew them all. Over. My. House. The kids thought it was hilarious, I drank a big glass of wine..)

Put your damn wax in the microwave.

Depending on the size of the batch you’re making, go for about 30 second bursts.  Once its nearly all melted, put your coconut oil in too and give it another zap.  Your moisturising body bars are nearly done!

Add your little smelly bits (fresh herbs, dried herbs, essential oils, whatevs..) then pour into a mold.  Small silicone ones are best, but I’ve also used cookie cutters on a flat tray.

Just imagine that the hearts are up the right way, I can’t be bothered turning the picture around just for you..

Chuck it in the fridge to set (you should probs grab yourself a wine while the fridge is open, us mum’s are known for our multitasking skills after all)

Chill with your wine(s) for 20 mins then pop them out of the moulds.

Valentines/Christmas/birthday/I’m a pretentious mum that does craft presents hand made by the kids done!

pop!

Body Bars that feel so good to rub all over your dry, cracked body! Totally easy, and not in the least messy at all, I swear *

*Mrs. Piggy takes no responsibility for any of you fools that actually attempt this project with children.  Kids are monsters, and should not be given anything.  Ever, at all..*

We chucked them in some left over cups from the kids birthday party, and made some firework card information notes

waste not, want not. I’m environmental, not cheap…

** Also, as much as all the ingredients are food safe and non-toxic (I hope). I do not recommend giving these lovely, heart shaped coconutty smelling little morsels to your forgetful grandmother in the nursing home for Christmas.. trust me on this, you just don’t want to do it..

Love Mrs. Piggy


Want to see the firework cards that Mrs. Piggy used to label these bad boys?  Click here

See her other amazing kid related ideas

Or go for something completely different (it’s more fun than what you should be doing) and take our quiz and see if your kids think you’re old

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Kid Craft: Firework Cards – Maximum Impact, Minimum Effort

Kids and craft go hand in hand, just like Gorillas and flinging poo.  They love it, it keeps them occupied, and everyone has a great time!  Well except for the poor sucker that has to clean it all up.

You guessed it, that zookeeper person is going to be you!  And this gorgeous, Pinterest worthy project requires glitter!

Mr Gorilla, fling the poo if you must, but PUT DOWN THE GLITTER!!

If you still haven’t run for the hills, let me tell you a bit more about what we’re doing.

They’re gorgeous, easy, cheap and you can pump them out in minutes, because let’s be honest, your kids will make 2, and you’ll be stuck making the other 18 of them!

As an added bonus, if you’ve left the Christmas card gig a bit too late, you can go ahead and call them New Years cards.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Bam!  instead of being a slacker who doesn’t get their cards out on time, you are now a trendsetter, celebrating the New Year with a bang!

Follow our easy AF guide to get those stupid things that you wish you’d never started made and out of your house in no time (I mean the firework cards, I think you’re stuck with the kids sorry)

Start with black cardstock, and lay them down on an old tablecloth – trust me, you want something on underneath these!

Get the kids to drizzle glue over them, then shake sparkly confetti and glitter on top.

Once the kids lose interest and start fighting over the fluff one of them just picked out of their belly button, you can go ahead and just draw huge lines of glue over the whole row, then sprinkle to your hearts content.  You’re pretending your kids did it anyway, so no need to be pretty or precise with your workmanship!

Think of yourself as a one man factory procession line, pumping these bad boys out! Also, ignore the kids, they’re probably just gluing the cat to the dog ATM..

We used these cards as little information notes for the body bars I made but pretended that my kids did as gifts.

Get crafty my Piggies and have fun!  And don’t forget to show us some photos of your finished product on Facebook or Pinterest!

Read more of Mrs.Piggy’s tips here!

Check out the Pimp My Pigsty Team, and see what we’re all about.

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How to Fit More into Your Day

When did life get so damn busy and complicated?

One minute we were playing with lego and fantasizing about being a grown up and being able to eat cake for dinner (I’ve actually figured out how to do this with minimal guilt and heart attacks) and the next minute we grew up.

Now all we have is a list of things we need to do as long as the bubble gum tape that we used to love, and no damn time!

Now that’s a chore list I can get behind!

How can we be more productive and get more done you ask.

Simple, follow my foolproof tips below:

  1. coffee
  2. vodka
  3. even better, espresso martini
  4. GET OFF YOUR PHONE!  You’re on it now aren’t you?  Go on, get up.

Reward yourself with a martini after each chore you complete.  Your list will get shorter, or you’ll stop caring about your list.  Whatever works for you.

cheers! and get back to work..

Cheers!

Mrs. Piggy.

                  

Read some more of Mrs. Piggy’s famous Life Hacks here

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How to Use Your Child To Get Out of Anything You Don’t Want to Do

Having children is hard, but let’s be honest, so is socializing.

Sometimes you just want to stay at home, curled up under your snuggly polar bear sized doona sipping on a hot chocolate (preferably spiked) while watching an episode of your favorite show for the seventeenth time.

If you have kids, you have a built in out!  This article is about how you can finally use your little spawn monsters for something useful!

Hooray!  If you’re anything like me, you’ve been waiting for this day for a long long loonng time!

Of course if you have children, the chances of you actually getting enough peace to drink your hot Kahlua with a touch of milk (lets be honest here) and laying peacefully still under your sloth like blanket is about nil anyway (feel free to check out some of these tips to keep the monsters out of your hair for 5 mins)

Anyway, I have compiled a list of kid branded excuses to get out of anything, from a birthday party, to work, or a dreaded dinner party with the in-laws.

Use at your own discretion:

“I’m Sorry I can’t make it, my child is”:

  • sick
  • teething
  • sleeping
  • a raging maniac when let out in public

“I’m sorry I can’t make it, my child has”:

  • head lice
  • gastro
  • no tolerance for your obnoxious child’s behavior
  • lost their voice from screaming at me all day
  • worms

“I’m sorry, I can’t make it, my child needs to”:

  • finish their homework
  • finish their chores
  • eat the broccoli on their plate that I told them they needed to finish before getting up from the table (2 days ago)
  • wash the dog, it has fleas
  • get their tonsils removed

And that’s how its done!  Use this list in good health, and good Baileys xx

Mrs. Piggy


 

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Mrs. Piggy Reviews: Kids Parties

I stand there, present in hand, nervously shaking as a loud dinosaur screeches in my ear.

The door opens and the volume goes up.  suddenly there are dinosuars (and one fairy princess) everywhere.  Roaring, screeching and wailing.  a small T-Rex begins violently yanking the present from my nervous hands, while the spinosuarus I birthed 8 years ago dashes past me roaring loudly, but completely ignoring the birthday monster (I mean dinosaur) standing at the front entrance.

T-Rex manages to get ahold of the present and runs off with what must have been about 700 hurricane making dinosaurs, leaving me shaken and shell shocked standing by myself in the doorway.

I peer inside the house nervously.  would it be acceptable to cut and run now?  I’m sure T-Rexy’s mum will notice my kid has arrived before he decides to go on a neighbourhood dinosaur rampage..  maybe I’d better say hi, just in case.

Hello!?  I call out as I step into the crepe papered jungle.  A green streamer tickles the back of my neck as what sounds like a triceratops being BBQued alive wails eerily in the empty hallway.

I step over a mountain of discarded wrapping paper, noting a scrunched up piece of the ridiculously expensive wrap I spent approximately 3 hours taping around the birthday boys pretentious present off his pretentious gift registry.

I turn a corner and see what must be a life sized brontosaurus with its head sticking out a window.

 

Still no adults.  Or little dinosaurs for that matter.

“Hello?”  I call again.

A scream.

It came from out the back.  I head through to the door.

I take a quick look around, two adults dressed in khacky green dinosaur suits.  Are they the parents?

three fights, one crying toddler… but no other tall people

I look the other way, three fights, one crying toddler, what looks like an upturned bowl of something brown and gooey, but no other tall people.

I look back to the dinosaurs.  one is clutching a beer bottle like his life depended on it, the other is looking from one child to the next with a look of abject terror on her face.

Yep they’re the parents.  A twinge of sympathy comes over me.  giant themed party with only two adults.  Rookie mistake.

Maybe I should stay and help them.  A loud and familiar scream pierces my ears, and my little spinosorous runs past holding something that looks suspiciously like a childs asthma puffer.

Nope, I’m out of here.

I wave towards the beer holding dinosaur, he’s my best bet for a quick escape.

I point from my young dinosaur progeny to my watch.  “Got to go”  I mouth.  “back at 5.”

Then before beerosauraus can start lumbering towards me I turn tail and run as fast as I can.

 

Kids parties, the first few minutes are a mixture of fear and adrenaline, but then you get to abandon even your own children and go to the bar for a few hours.

✯✯✯✯

4 stars.

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Cheap and Cheerful Activities to Keep Older Children Occupied

Hi there my fellow exhausted mummas.

It’s school holidays here at the moment, so I currently have about seven hundred and sixty three children at my house.

I think most of them are mine.

Anyway, who doesn’t love school holidays.  Parents that’s who!

I always have an exhaustive repetoure of activities for the toddlers and ankle biters of the family, but every school holidays its like I have to dig down to the furtherest, dustiest corner of my shell schocked, screamed out mind to come up with ways to occupy the school dwellers and keep the peace.

This time I thought I’d make a list, so here goes, cheap and cheerful ways to occupy the big kids:  I hope it helps out at your den of chaotic bedlam as much as it does in mine.


Everyone knows the old bribery trick.  “Be good and you’ll get a treat”

The older the kids get, the more expensive this method can be, and if you have more than a few kids, this will bankrupt you by the end of the first week of the holidays.

Instead of bribing each of your children, I find it so much cheaper, and so much easier to just bribe one child.

Create a “snitch” if you will.

By bribing your way into your little informants heart (wallet) you can effectively create peace and harmony (or a well ordered and quiet military state) for a much cheaper price.


Just lock them out of the house.

If you’re worried about them leaving the perimeter and causing chaos on the streets, tell them its a fun game/group exercise.  They must work together to find their way back into the house.

An outside child is a quiet child. If you lock the doors and turn your music on

MAKE SURE YOU ESTABLISH SOME GROUND RULES FIRST!

All attempts must be quiet, they must avoid witnesses (no-one wants police knocking on their door while sipping their peaceful, blissful kid free wine in the bathtub) and make sure the kids don’t do any damage.

Breaking a window to get into the house is so unimaginative.  You want to be raising cat burglars here, not common thugs.

That should do it really.

Otherwise just give them their devices and a bag of chips, it’s what you all really want anyway…

Good luck, and much wine to you all XX

Mrs. Piggy

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50(ish) Things to Throw Away For Instant Decluttering

Your house is full.  Full of people and things, things everywhere.

Things that you don’t know how they got there, things that you don’t know about, and things that you don’t understand.  I get it, my house was there too.

Then I found out about the Ikea Dead people clean out… or something…

Maybe it was the Swedish Death Cleaning method… who can keep track of this stuff?  Especially when there is a pile of Dominos discount brochures as high as your eldest child on the bench.

Anyway, who has time for a full on, ‘take stock of your entire life and belongings’ clear out?  I know I personally have trouble fitting in time to have a second glass of red while cooking dinner, let alone anything else.

So I have done it once again.

Here is my concise, condensed and consolidated way to declutter your life:

50 (ish – who has time to count) things to throw away for instant decluttering

Old takeout menus

Old makeup

Out of date food from your pantry

Socks that have lost their partner

Worn out shoes

Chipped plates/crockery

Tupperware missing lids

Tupperware lids without bases

Screw it, toss all the Tupperware, you never eat left overs anyway

Leftovers

Those little shampoos you stole from the hotel – you won’t use that, we both know it!

Towels with holes in them

Toys the kids have grown out of

Toys with batteries that make really annoying noises

Toys that hurt your feet when you stand in them

Dammit, just toss all the toys

Clothes your kids have grown out of

Stained shirts

Stained pants

Undies with skidmarks

That means all kids clothes will be tossed

Kids “art” – save a few of you must, but no one needs 100 stick figure pictures with 3 eyes and giant balloon boobs

Kids. Just toss the kids. Instant declutter!

There! Done and dusted!

Now get yourself a wine!

  • You’re welcome, Love Mrs. Piggy

 

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Easy Tips For Keeping Young Children Occupied While Hung-Over

Ok, the title is a bit of a misnomer – you don’t actually have to have had an insanely huge night that involved 9 bottles of wine, 2 friends, 2 trays of chocolate brownies, a bottle of rum and multiple drunken text messages for these tips to be useful.. you could have the flu, you could have morning sickness, or you could just be damn sick of your toddlers and playing ‘let’s eat that pretend cake and say yum yum’ again – I don’t judge.

 

ways to keep toddlers entertained without having to move or interact with them more than you need to

Anyway, these are my tried and tested favorite ways to keep toddlers entertained without having to move or interact with them more than you need to:

 

1. Set up a tub of water outside (or in the bathtub in winter), give them a bit of bubble bath and some scourers, then ask them to “clean.”
They can clean their toys, clean the fence, hell they can even clean the grass, as long as they leave you alone, as you sob quietly into your hydralite.

 

2. YouTube cat videos are not just for adults.
Child number one was not a tv kid – and trust me, I tried to get him hooked, I tried so very hard!
As soon as a cute cat was on YouTube, he was still. Blissfully, quietly still!
**Super mama hack: if the video has babies as well as cats, you’ll get twice as much peace.

 

3. Stickers. Need I say more? Oh I do need to say more. Ok, if a book or piece of paper doesn’t cut it, take a couple of aspirin, get comfy on the couch or in your bed, allocate an arm/leg to each child, then request stickers. Tell them you want to be covered completely.
This one works well because the fools – I mean lovely bundles of joy think that you’re playing with them.  You can be present without being present..
** Super mama hack: do not doze off unless you know all permanent markers are out of your kids reach. Child number 2 taught me that once their artistic juices start flowing, apparently it’s not a huge leap from stickers to markers..

Read on to find out how to relieve some of your frustrations with toddlers without getting in trouble with social services…

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