Mrs. Piggy Reviews: Kids Parties

I stand there, present in hand, nervously shaking as a loud dinosaur screeches in my ear.

The door opens and the volume goes up.  suddenly there are dinosuars (and one fairy princess) everywhere.  Roaring, screeching and wailing.  a small T-Rex begins violently yanking the present from my nervous hands, while the spinosuarus I birthed 8 years ago dashes past me roaring loudly, but completely ignoring the birthday monster (I mean dinosaur) standing at the front entrance.

T-Rex manages to get ahold of the present and runs off with what must have been about 700 hurricane making dinosaurs, leaving me shaken and shell shocked standing by myself in the doorway.

I peer inside the house nervously.  would it be acceptable to cut and run now?  I’m sure T-Rexy’s mum will notice my kid has arrived before he decides to go on a neighbourhood dinosaur rampage..  maybe I’d better say hi, just in case.

Hello!?  I call out as I step into the crepe papered jungle.  A green streamer tickles the back of my neck as what sounds like a triceratops being BBQued alive wails eerily in the empty hallway.

I step over a mountain of discarded wrapping paper, noting a scrunched up piece of the ridiculously expensive wrap I spent approximately 3 hours taping around the birthday boys pretentious present off his pretentious gift registry.

I turn a corner and see what must be a life sized brontosaurus with its head sticking out a window.

 

Still no adults.  Or little dinosaurs for that matter.

“Hello?”  I call again.

A scream.

It came from out the back.  I head through to the door.

I take a quick look around, two adults dressed in khacky green dinosaur suits.  Are they the parents?

three fights, one crying toddler… but no other tall people

I look the other way, three fights, one crying toddler, what looks like an upturned bowl of something brown and gooey, but no other tall people.

I look back to the dinosaurs.  one is clutching a beer bottle like his life depended on it, the other is looking from one child to the next with a look of abject terror on her face.

Yep they’re the parents.  A twinge of sympathy comes over me.  giant themed party with only two adults.  Rookie mistake.

Maybe I should stay and help them.  A loud and familiar scream pierces my ears, and my little spinosorous runs past holding something that looks suspiciously like a childs asthma puffer.

Nope, I’m out of here.

I wave towards the beer holding dinosaur, he’s my best bet for a quick escape.

I point from my young dinosaur progeny to my watch.  “Got to go”  I mouth.  “back at 5.”

Then before beerosauraus can start lumbering towards me I turn tail and run as fast as I can.

 

Kids parties, the first few minutes are a mixture of fear and adrenaline, but then you get to abandon even your own children and go to the bar for a few hours.

✯✯✯✯

4 stars.

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