An Idiots Guide To Contouring

Without make-up, at least my hair is still luxuriously thick and gorgeous
Ok, now that you know my dark and dirty secret, lets get started.


The first step is not really in the contouring, it’s a very basic magic make-up tip that I’m sure all of you pretty platipii already know:  green.
Paint yourself green in any places that you’re ugly.  Pimples, under bag eyes, moles, insanely huge, red nostrils… whatever you need to do.


I’m quite lucky, my inquisitive iguanas, that I have a very green skin tone to begin with!

Next comes the contouring.


Anywhere you want to look sharp or thin, paint a black line on.  Paint the top, prominent part of your cheekbones.
Add a line under your first chin to make that the most noticeable of your 7.. you get the drill.
In this picture, I applied my contouring first. Do whatever feels natural to you, my painted penguins
Also, don’t be afraid to go dark! we will blend it later, but you need it strong and defined to work, my  beautiful bandicoots!


 A simple and unlikely make-up tool that you probably already have in your home
Another little expert tip that I will share with you now, is a simple and unlikely make-up tool that you probably already have in your home!
To get your lines dark and defined, use a black sharpie!
Not only will this handy little trick give you razor sharp cheekbones, but it will save you having to reapply your contour each day!


I find, my slutty snails, that one application of sharpie will last me approximately 2 weeks. That’s a lot of wine/yoga time freed up!


As you did with your contouring, now you must do the opposite to highlight.  White out any parts of your ugly, bloaty skin that you need to hide – your six other chins, the pudge in your cheeks etc.
White, white, everywhere!
Now, my fastidious frogs, comes the rest of your make-up routine,
and this is why it’s important that you make sure that your contouring and highlighting are strong and dark.


You will need: a trowel, primer, foundation, bb cream, powder, and a sealer (I recommend a fine layer of clear industrial grade silicone – a bit unorthodox, but don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!)


Layer it on a voila!
The end result!
Definitely worth the 3 1/2 hours I spend each morning applying my face!


There you have it, my ugly underboobs, my make-up and contouring routine!
You no longer need to look at my glowing, natural looking complexion and ask “How does she do it?”
Check out more of Bambi Dollinger-Tart’s posts here
Read about putting Jade Eggs in your Hoo-Ha. You won’t regret it!
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