Easy Tips For Keeping Young Children Occupied While Hung-Over

push the little turd, push them hard

4. This one needs a small amount of energy, and is actually more suited to “when your child is driving you bonkers” than when your hungover, but I thought I’d put it in anyway.. Swings.
Push the little turd, push them hard, and push them away from you. I know that just like in real life, they come back, but then you just get to push again!  Harder! They’re mostly quiet when they’re on the swing, plus you can push from behind, and you don’t have to look at them, you could even give them the finger and they would be blissfully unaware… not that I’ve ever done that to my little angels..
**Super mama hack: invest in a secure baby/toddler swing so they can’t fall/climb out.  Then you can pay them even less attention while you reminisce about your peaceful, quiet existence before kids.

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5. Bubbles. Get a bubble wand, instruct the demons - I mean toddlers - to pop the bubbles. I do need to issue a warning though - do not under any circumstance allow a child to get hold of wand or bubble mix.
Child 1, 2, 3 and 4 taught me that they will spill, cry, scream, get frustrated, and they will fight.
And you will either cry or swear (or both)
I cannot stress this enough, your job is to lay on the outdoor settee (with a bit of hair of the dog if necessary) and their job is to pop, end of story.
**Super mama hack:  get a bubble machine, put it up high out of their reach, then you're free to vomit hopelessly into one of their bike helmets.

 

All of these tips work best if they're saved for when you need them most. If they are rare and exciting things for your monsters - I mean toddlers - them they will work better at keeping the kids out of your hair when you need it most, for example, while you're looking at your phone in disbelief at the 789 drunken texts that you managed to send last night
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