Bambi Dollinger-Tart riding a banana

Clean, Healthy Eating As Dictated By Nature (and Bugs)

Good morning, or evening, or afternoon – whatever time it is for you right now, my peppy puppies!
I do so love the internet, how I can write something when I’m free, and you can read it whenever you are!
You could be doing literally anything right now! All I know is that you are as enthusiastic as I am about healthy eating, so lets get to it!
Insects.  More specifically ants and flies.
If you are on facebook, watch TV, or even have email, you will know that ants and flies can tell you so much.
From CSI episodes to nutrition, these breathtaking bugs have us covered.
Now my vivacious vultures, I will leave the death scene CSI-like attributes of my new little friends to the likes of Mrs. Piggy, or the dark side of the internet.
Harness our cheery critters… for nutrition advice
I want to harness our cheery critters for good, for nutrition advice.
Nutritionists can be so expensive, and in many countries don’t even need any formal qualifications to practice.
Everybody should be able to access correct nutrition information, and that’s where ants and flies come in.
I’m sure you have all seen the experiments and posts, the ones where a pat of butter and a disgusting slop of evil margarine is placed outside for the insects.
The insects then tell us which of these are nutritionally superior, and which products are manufactured and processed out of plastics and yoga mat chemicals and the like.
in this day and age, who.. are we to trust
The flies and the ants will show us the way to good health.  I mean, my zippy zebras, in this day and age, who else are we to trust?
I understand that you are probably reading this between your yoga class and binge drinking session, and that your time is limited and precious.
So just for you, my heedless hedgehogs I have asked the bugs, done the research and tested the truths.
I did the experiments so you don’t have to, and below are the results:
Firstly I tried the butter/margarine experiment.  I placed out some baking paper with butter, margarine, and a pure vegan, no animal product spread.
I left it for hours.  it melted into piles of slop, but no ants or flies touched any of my offerings.
I don’t know, my wide-eyed wombats, I guess my garden critters were just not hungry when I did this experiment.
In the interest of scientific accuracy, I have decided to just assume that the internet knows
Every time a facebook poster does this test the flies and ants go crazy for the butter, but leave the other items… so in the interest of scientific accuracy, I have decided to just assume that the internet knows.
Butter, my ingenuous iguanas, must most definitely be healthier for you.
I then decided to take this experiment one step further.  If ants and flies can tell “real” food from fake, if they can pick the most nutritionally sound item for themselves, then I will follow their expertise and advice.
I put out a carrot and a donut.
Don’t they both look delicious?
I was not sure what the outcome of this experiment would be, after all, my zealous zebras, we’ve been told for years by nutrtionists that donuts are not good for us.
But really, what do nutritionists and doctors and dieticians and scientists know?
I left our carrot and donut out for hours.  The first to come were the flies.  one, two, three.
Why trust scientists and nutritionists to tell us if butter or margarine is better when we could just ask the ants?
All on the donut.
Then ants!
There you have it, the experts have spoken, my gibbous gorillas.
I know what I’m having for dinner tonight.
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